


Wrong Number (Wolfstar)

by stagecrime



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Also this takes place in Silicon Valley, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Drunk Texting, Fluff, How Do I Tag, M/M, My First Fanfic, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Silicon Valley - Freeform, So yeah, Swearing, Texting, and creativity, and i hate all the old writing, and i lost interest in text talk, based on text talk, because I said so, i am not finishing this, i can do whatever weird AU i want to, i ran out of motivation, i'm the writer of this fic, jily, so there, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 15,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stagecrime/pseuds/stagecrime
Summary: When Sirius accidentally texts the wrong number, he has no idea what's about to happen next. We 100% needed yet another Wolfstar texting fic, yes we did. Inspired by Text Talk by merlywhirls.Also this is set in Silicon Valley now because I said so and yeah it's crack
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 46
Kudos: 125





	1. March 12

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Text Talk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1651109) by [merlywhirls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlywhirls/pseuds/merlywhirls). 



> This is my first fanfic so don't hate me if it's horrible!!  
> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> Titles are caps, bold and underlined  
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> rn = right now  
> cya = see you

**MARCH 12 PM**

**(8:54) PRONGS HELP MINNIE'S ABOUT TO CATCH ME**

**(8:56) P R O N G S HELP SHE'S GONNA MURDER ME**

**(8:57) MINNIE IS LITERALLY ABOUT TO MUTILATE ME WITH A TREE BRANCH HELP SHE'S SCARY LIKE THIS**

**(8:58) WELL I GUESS SHE'S ALWAYS A LITTLE SCARY BUT ESPECIALLY RN**

**(8:59) Fine. Some wingman you are. You're not invited to my funeral when Minnie stabs my heart out with those tree branches.**

_(9:01) ??????_

**(9:01) Oh sorry, wrong number.**

_(9:02) That's what I thought. It's okay. But who's Minnie?_

**(9:02) Minnie's only the love of my life!**

_(9:03) Should I be concerned that the love of your life is trying to mutilate you? Speaking of which, you should probably run or something._

**(9:03) She's not actually the love of my life...she's my 60 year old camp counselor. And it's okay. I have found refuge in my cabin.**

_(9:04) Okay. But why is she trying to murder you?_

**(9:06) Well. It's a long story/prank involving my arch nemesis, a flagpole, and a lot of cottage cheese.**

_(9:07) ...All right. I'm not even going to ask why you have an arch nemesis._

**(9:07) That's probably a good thing...**

_(9:08) Now I'm scared. Who even is...Prongs? Is that it?_

**(9:08) Well, Prongs was supposedly my best friend/wingman, until he sO TRAITOROUSLY BETRAYED ME.**

_(9:08) Well, he never got your messages, I did._

**(9:09) Oh true...**

**(9:09) Well I'm going to pretend he's a traitor so that I have someone to blame**

_(9:10) ...Okay._

_(9:10) What was that about the cottage cheese again? And the flagpole, the camp counselor, and the cabin? Where are you anyway?_

**(9:10) I'm at camp.**

_(9:11) Camp?_

**(9:11) Yup. Wilderness camp. It involves a lot of running, pranks and climbing trees.**

_(9:11) ...Pranks_

**(9:12) Pranks.**

_(9:12) I'm going to assume that's just you._

**(9:13) Nope! Me, Prongs, Red, and Meadow.**

_(_ _9:13) Red?_

**(9:13) That's not her real name. Or Meadow.**

_(9:13) Do you have a nickname, too?_

**(9:13) Yup. Padfoot.**

_(9:14) I'm not even going to ask._

_(9:14) It's just occurred to me that you're a complete stranger from the Internet and probably a stalker._

**(9:14) I'm not a stalker I swear**

**(9:14) I'm at wilderness camp with like no wifi so I'd make a really bad internet stalker anyway.**

_(9:14) Are you, though_

**(9:14) Yes! I'm a teenager at wilderness camp with really bad wifi who likes to play pranks on his arch nemesis!**

_(9:15) Teenager? His?_

**(9:15) Yeah, I'm a boy**

**(9:16) Is that this surprising? Were you hoping for something else?**

**(9:17) Wait, you aren't one of those creepy old men who stalk teenage girls on the internet are you?**

_(9:17) What?! no!_

**(9:17) ...You sure?**

_(9:18) Yes, I'm sure! I'm a teenage boy too!_

**(9:19) Really? How old are you?**

_(9:20) ...I feel like I should not answer this question. I'm in high school though_

**(9:20) sigh. Well I'm in high school too.**

_(9:21) This is getting increasingly creepy._

**(9:21) What, you don't believe me?**

_(9:21) I believe you. (I think.) It's just a weird coincidence. How old are you, exactly?_

**(9:21) Fine. I'm 17.**

_(9:22) Jesus so am I. I just turned 17._

**(9:22) Happy birthday!**

_(9:23) Thanks._

**(9:23) Where do you live?**

_(9:25) JESUS CHRIST I AM NOT ANSWERING THAT_

**(9:25) fine. I have to go anyway, annoying early camp bedtime. Cya later**

_(9:25) Cya._

_(9:26) I just talked to a complete internet stranger for over half an hour._

**(9:26) That you did. And you are not dead. Yet. Bye.**

_(9:27) Bye, Padfoot._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)  
> Some of the lines in here are from Text Talk, and I don't claim any credit to them!  
> Let me know what you think in the comments or on [Tumblr!](https://silversickles.tumblr.com)


	2. March 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fanfic so don't hate me if it's horrible!!  
> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> James is underlined  
> Titles are caps, bold and underlined
> 
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> rn = right now  
> jk = just kidding  
> ik = i know  
> idk = i don't know  
> gtg = gotta go  
> 

** MARCH 13 AM **

_(11:12) How's the food at wilderness camp?_

**(11:14) Hello to you too.**

_(11:14) Hi._

_(11:15) Come on. Food. Good? Bad? Meh?_

**(11:16) Not bad, actually, if you're me. The kitchen staff just kind of willingly give me the best food.**

_(11:17) You mean you steal the best food._

**(11:17) Only once.**

_(11:17)) ...Really now?_

**(11:17) Yes!**

_(11:17) And now the staff just...give you food?_

**(11:18) Pretty much, yeah.**

_(11:18) Wow. I'm not entirely sure I believe you._

**(11:18) What, you think I just steal food from the kitchens?**

_(11:19) Knowing you so far, yes._

**(11:19) Thanks. Well, I don't.**

**(11:20) That's Prongs' job.**

_(11:20) Wow. Okay._

**(11:21) I'm kidding! The food isn't nearly good enough to warrant secret missions every day.**

_(11:21) How often then?_

**(11:22) ...Every few days.**

**(11:22) Can I get your advice on something?**

_(11:23) Yeah, sure? What?_

**(11:23) If your friend was being annoyingly obsessive over a girl and refuses to understand that there is no way in heaven or Hell that he will land a date with her, what would you do?**

_(11:24) Is this Prongs?_

**(11:24) Yup. Prongs.**

_(11:24) Does she actually like him, or...?_

**(11:24) No. She kind of hates him. He just pines.**

_(11:25) Oof. How long has this been going on?_

**(11:25) About six years, I think. Love at first sight and all that.**

_(11:25) Wow. And she hasn't show any sign of warming up to him?_

**(11:26) Actually, she has. I found a photo of him in her duffel bag. Under all her stuff.**

_(11:26) Really now. Why were you going through her duffel bag?_

**(11:27) It was for a prank. I was looking for mascara.**

_(11:27) And did you find it?_

**(11:27) No. Apparently she doesn't wear makeup.**

_(11:27) Wait, is this Red?_

**(11:28) Actually, yes.**

_(11:28) You sound a little jealous._

**(11:29) ?? I'm not jealous.**

_(11:29) Padfoot. Why are you jealous?_

**(11:30) Idk. It just feels like**

**(11:30) Well. Maybe I'm a little jealous.**

_(11:31) Do you like Red? Or James?_

**(11:31) WHAT NO.**

**(11:32) I mean**

**(11:32) She's nice and all. But I wouldn't do that to James. And ew. James is like my brother.**

_(11:32) James? Is that Prongs?_

**(11:33) Oh. Oops. Yeah, Prongs.**

_(11:33) So James likes Red but Red hates James but he refuses to acknowledge it._

_(11:33) Is that about right?_

**(11:34) Exactly.**

_(11:34) That sounds terrible to be around._

**(11:35) Understatement of the year. It's hilarious, though.**

_(11:35) Wait_

**(11:35) What?**

_(11:35) What time is it for you?_

**(11:36) 11:36am, why?**

_(11:36) We're in the same time zone._

**(11:37) Waht**

**(11:37) Are you trying to find out where I live, stalker? 😏**

_(11:38) No. You're trying to find out where I live, remember? And never use that emoji again._

**(11:38) 😏😏😏😏😏**

_(11:39) ugh._

**(11:39) 😏**

_(11:40) go away_

**(11:40) Wait, what time zone are you in?**

_(11:40) Pacific Standard?? Not really sure._

**(11:41) Same. Are you at home?**

_(11:41) Well, I'm in the same time zone as my home._

**(11:42) Good enough. I'm guessing you're not going to tell me where you live.**

_(11:42) Not happening. Where's this wilderness camp of yours?_

**(11:42) Somewhere in Oregon. I'm not entirely sure.**

_(11:43) How long are you there for?_

**(11:44) Rn I'm only here for spring break, but I come here pretty much every holiday.**

_(11:44) You're on spring break?_

**(11:45) Yup. A week.**

_(11:45) Same._

**(11:45) We're the same age, in the same time zone, the same gender, and apparently have spring break at the same time. We are MEANT TO BE**

_(11:46) ...What_

**(11:46) Kidding.**

_(11:47) Ik_

_(11:47) I think_

**(11:48) ;)**

_(11:48) No._

**(11:48) Fine. What's your name?**

_(11:48) Again, not happening._

**(11:49) Is that your name? Do people call you that?**

_(11:49) What do you think?_

**(11:50) I'm going to guess no.**

_(11:50) Correct_

**(11:50) Fine. Do you have a nickname?**

_(11:51) Not really._

**(11:51) What's your favorite animal?**

_(11:51) Idk??_

**(11:52) Come on. What animal would you be, if you could choose?**

_(11:52) Probably a wolf._

**(11:53) Hm. Why?**

_(11:53) I just like wolves I guess? And I could be strong?_

_(11:53) Why's your nickname Padfoot?_

**(11:54) I really want a huge black dog named Padfoot. It also has something to do with my name**

_(11:54) ...Okay_

**(11:54) It's kind of an inside joke so it doesn't make much sense. So is Prongs.**

_(11:55) I see that._

**(11:55) I GOT IT**

_(11:56) ??_

**(11:56) MOONY**

_(11:57) ????_

**(11:57) NICKNAME**

_(11:58) ...Moony? Because I like wolves?_

**(11:58) Yup!**

_(11:58) Oh very clever._

**(11:58) Why, thank you.**

_(11:59) Ha. I don't really have a choice about this new nickname, do I?_

**(11:59) Nope.**

_(11:59) ugh fine_

**(12:00) Gtg, lunch**

_(12:00) Bye, Padfoot._

**(12:00) Bye. Moony.**

_(12:00)_ **😏**

**MARCH 13 PM**

(2:02) Who were you texting before lunch? You don't have friends other than me, Lily and Dorcas.

**(2:02) Hush. I have friends. I have a whole group of people who I can call upon at any hour of the day or night.**

(2:02) Oh, you do, do you.

**(2:03) Yes. Now shut up.**

(2:03) So who were you texting?

**(2:03) ...A wrong number I texted yesterday. We were talking about camp and nicknames and camp food and**

**(2:04) Something else**

(2:04) Suspicious.

**(2:04) Don't be.**

(2:05) Moving on. This person knows you're at camp??

**(2:05) ...Yes?**

(2:05) What else do they know? Your middle name? Your birth time? Your second grade math teacher?

**(2:05) No. Shut up again.**

(2:05) You're

(2:06) You're blushing

**(2:12) I am not. SHuT uP**

(2:12) You took 6 minutes to reply to that. Because you were washing your face.

**(2:12) I WAS NOT S H U T U P**

(2:13) Bruh I saw you.

**(2:13) Really why do I put up with you**

(2:13) Because you looooove me.

**(2:14) sigh.**

(2:14) But seri

(2:14) But really, it's just weird that they know all this about you.

**(2:14) You're just overreacting. He doesn't know my name, or which camp we're at, or anything.**

(2:14) How does he refer to you?

**(2:14) "You" because we don't exactly talk about ourselves in the third person.**

(2:14) True, I guess.

**(2:14) But he knows my nickname.**

(2:15) you told him your weird inside joke friend group nickname.

**(2:15) ...Yes? We were talking about nicknames remember**

(2:15) Whatever. Just don't get kidnapped or something.

(2:17) ...And you're blushing again.

**(2:17) FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT BLUSHING**

(2:17) Padfoot. I'm ser

(2:17) ugh.

(2:18) I can see you.

**(2:18) Hush.**

(2:20) OKAY YOU DON'T HAVE TO THROW ROCKS AT ME I GET IT

(2:23) STAHP

**(2:24) Fine. Be glad I "looooove you."**

(2:24) Whatever. Bye, Minnie's about to catch me on m

**(2:26) James?**

**(2:28) RIP James**

**(2:30) Rest in pieces.**

(2:36) Love you too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the lines in here are original quotes from Text Talk, which I don't claim to own!!  
> Thank you so much for reading this! <3333  
> Tell me what you think in the comments or on [Tumblr!](https://silversickles.tumblr.com)!


	3. March 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I've just realized that this is supposed to be a modern AU, but I'm going to set it back a year or two because of COVID-19. So, this story is now set in March 2019!  
> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> Titles are caps, bold and underlined
> 
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> nvm = never mind  
> idk = i don't know  
> omg = oh my god  
> pls = please  
> w = with  
> smth = something  
> Tell me if I missed anything!

**MARCH 14 AM**

**(9:16) I'M BACK FROM CAMP**

**(9:16) YAY**

_(9:17) Cool?_

**(9:17) Yes it is!**

_(9:17) I thought you liked camp?_

**(9:18) I do, I guess. I tolerate it.**

**(9:18) I know I'm lucky**

**(9:19) But**

**(9:19) I mean**

_(9:20) It's okay. I know what you mean._

**(9:20) :)**

_(9:21) Seriously?_

**(9:21) Siriusly.**

_(9:22) ??? What?_

**(9:22) Oh**

**(9:22) Nvm.**

_(9:23) Is this some kind of weird inside joke you have with your gang or something?_

**(9:24) ...I mean, kind of.**

**(9:24) And we're not a gang!**

_(9:25) Oh, you aren't, are you?_

**(9:25) No!**

_(9:25) Sure._

_(9:26) Do you have a gang name?_

**(9:27) What? No.**

**(9:27) I mean**

_(9:27) You do, don't you?_

**(9:28) ....We might.**

_(9:28) What is it?_

**(9:28) Do you really want me to answer that?**

_(9:29) Idk, do I?_

**(9:29) No, you definitely don't.**

_(9:30) Oh, now I totally do._

**(9:30) ...Fine.**

**(9:31) We're...**

**(9:31) We're the**

_(9:32) Go on._

**(9:33) marauders**

_(9:33) ...You're the Marauders?_

**(9:34) ...yes...**

_(9:34) OMG PADFOOT HAHAHA THAT'S THE BEST NEWS I'VE HEARD ALL DAY_

_(9:35) EXCEPT FOR THE_

**(9:35) Oh hush.**

**(9:36) Except for the what?**

_(9:36) Nvm._

**(9:37) If it's good news I wanna hear it??**

**(9:37) I mean, you don't have to tell me.**

**(9:38) Don't answer that.**

_(9:38) It's fine. Just the whole stranger-on-the-internet thing._

**(9:39) Ah. Yes. Sorry.**

_(9:39) Siriusly, it's fine._

**(9:40) MOOOOONY**

**(9:40) YOU MADE A TERRIBLE PUN**

_(9:41) ...Sorry??_

**(9:42) NO THIS IS GREAT**

_(9:42) ...Okay_

_(9:43) Why is it a pun?_

**(9:43) Oh.**

**(9:44) I probably shouldn't tell you this, privacy and all that stranger-on-the-internet thing.**

_(9:45) Okay._

**(9:45) The Soti thing is off limits for both of us.**

_(9:46) Soti?_

**(9:46) Stranger On The Internet. It's a backronym.**

_(9:46) Oh, I see._

_(9:47) So no violations of the Soti rule._

**(9:47) Nope.**

**(9:47) Anyway, I'm baaaaack!**

_(9:48) You're baaaaack_

**(9:48) And we're still in the same time zone, aren't we?**

_(9:49) I guess...we are._

**(9:49) Like I said. We're MEANT TO BE.**

_(9:50) I suppose we're going to ignore the fact that we've known each other for about three days?_

**(9:50) Known each other?**

_(9:51) Well, not known each other_

_(9:51) I guess_

_(9:52) Oh come on, you know what I mean. Gods._

**(9:52) I do.**

**(9:53) Gods?**

_(9:53) Yup. Gods._

**(9:54) And who might those be?**

_(9:55) They include Satan, the Karma fairy, the tooth fairy, Santa Claus etc_

**(9:55) Oh**

**(9:56) Okay.**

_(9:56) Oh I mean_

_(9:57) I'm sorry._

**(9:57) No you're fine, just my family**

_(9:58) Religious weirdos?_

**(9:58) Yeah. Not me, though so it's fine.**

_(9:58) Oh, okay._

**(9:59) Hey, are we cool?**

_(9:59) Yes, Padfoot._

_(10:00) We're cool._

**(10:00) Cool.**

**(10:00) Bye, Moony.**

_(10:01) Bye, Padfoot._

** MARCH 14 PM **

**(11:52) AYOOOOOO CREAAAAMPUFFFFFF**

_(11:54) wtf_

**(11:54) OW YOU DOOIN MAAAAN**

_(11:54) are you drunk_

_(11:55) you are drunk. go away_

**(11:55) NOOOT THAT DRUMK HUNNYBUNCHESS**

**(11:55) OONLY 5**

_(11:56) 5 out of what? and pls stop w the caps im asleep_

**(11:56) 5 beeeerss**

_(11:56) too many_

**(11:57) never to many beerss hunybunches**

_(11:57) fuck offffff i have a headache im trying to sleep_

**(11:57) nooooooooo**

**(11:57) i really wana know your name or smth plsssss**

_(11:58) no fuck off_

**(11:58) cmon tell me smthhh**

_(11:58) will it make you shut up_

_(11:58) seriously my head hurts go away_

**(11:59) yess ill letyou sleeep iff youanser my questin**

_(11:59) you really cannot type_

**(11:59) your rihgt i canot**

_(11:59) what do you want to know so i can go back to sleep_

**(11:59) ar eyou a virrgin??????**

_(12:00) wow im so glad im still awake for this_

**(12:00) well yesor no**

_(12:00) yes i am a virgin and i am now going back to sleep_

**(12:01) itsok i am to so it dosent matter**

_(12:01) fuck off and dont text me until noon_

**(12:01) noooo pumkin tit**

**(12:01) hunyybunchse? loveofmy life?**

**(12:02) sweeetcakess???????????**

**(12:02) gooodnnihgt tiiger**

**(12:02) or morniining i guses**

**(12:03) goodmorening tiiger**

**(12:03) seeyou laterr tigerr**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know this chapter took a while to get posted, but I had some problems with deleted chapter drafts and I had some stuff going on, but I'll try to post a little more often!! :)  
> Also, some of the lines in here are original quotes from Text Talk, which I do not claim any credit to!! NOT MINE!!  
> Let me know what you think in the comments or on [Tumblr!](https://silversickles.tumblr.com)


	4. March 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> James is underlined
> 
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> w = with  
> soti = stranger on the internet  
> smth = something  
> idk = i don't know

**MARCH 15 AM**

_(7:21) GOOOD MORNING_

_(7:21) RISE AND SHIIIINE_

_(7:22) I HOPE THE DINGS FROM YOUR PHONE ARE DRILLING INTO YOUR HEAD AND CAUSING AS MUCH PAIN AS YOU CAUSED ME_

_(7:22) IF YOU HAVE THE DINGS ON THAT IS OF COURSE_

**(7:25) no**

_(7:25) OH YESSSSS_

**(7:26) just no**

**(7:26) why would you do ths to me**

_(7:26) To cause you pain, Pumpkin Tit._

**(7:27) 1) I did nothing todeserve this. 2) pumkin Tit?**

_(7:27) 1) Yes you did, scroll up. 2) Scroll up._

**(7:29) OH GODS!!!!!!!!!!!**

**(7:29) HOW DID THIS HAPEN???????**

**(7:29) NOW THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS WHAT AN IDIOT I AM!!!**

_(7:30) Um, I don't exactly think I'm the whole world??_

**(7:30) OH NO, but you Are MY whole world, MOOOONY!!!!**

_(7:30) ...Thanks?_

**(7:30) YOU'RE SO welcOME!!**

_(7:31) ...Are you still drunk?_

**(7:31) OHH NO WAY!!! It's just early. Way too early.**

**(7:31) It was only 5 beers.**

_(7:32) 5 too many._

**(7:32) Never too many beers!!**

**(7:32) Have you never been that drunk??????**

_(7:33) I shouldn't get drunk, it's like a health thing._

_(7:33) I did once. It was_

_(7:33) not a good experience._

**(7:34) do you wanna talk about it????**

_(7:34) I mean, it wasn't really like a_

_(7:34) It was just_

_(7:34) so i got drunk w this guy and we were playing truth or dare_

_(7:35) and like_

_(7:35) we ended up kissing_

_(7:35) and then the next day_

_(7:35) he asked my best friend out_

_(7:35) and like she said yes_

_(7:36) and yeah_

**(7:36) Oh my gods.**

_(7:36) yeah_

**(7:37) Gods. I'm so sorry.**

_(7:37) It's fine. It was a while ago._

_(7:37) And we were drunk. I don't even know if he remembers it._

**(7:38) You still know him?**

_(7:38) Yeah, Alice and I are still friends. I spend a lot of time third wheeling._

**(7:38) Oof.**

**(7:38) Alice?**

_(7:39) Oh. My friend. His girlfriend._

_(7:39) Fuck. I was trying to be careful. About the Soti thing._

**(7:40) Ha. It's fine. At this point, I don't really think it matters anymore.**

_(7:40) You're probably right. But you're still probably a serial killer and I'm not taking any chances here._

**(7:40) Well. No promises.**

_(7:41) Ha._

_(7:41) I should go._

**(7:42) Bye, Moony.**

_(7:42) Bye, Pumpkin Tit._

**(7:42) Shut up.**

_(7:43) ;)_

** MARCH 15 PM **

**(12:32) Mooooony**

_(12:32) Pumpkin Tit_

**(12:33) I'm never going to lose that nickname, am I?**

_(12:33) Nope. So much better than Padfoot._

**(12:34) You wound me.**

_(12:34) Glad to be of service._

**(12:34) Meat stew for lunch today.**

_(12:34) Real meat?_

**(12:35) I'm**

**(12:35) not entirely sure.**

_(12:35) Tough._

**(12:36) The "meat" sure is.**

**(12:36) What're you having?**

_(12:37) PBJ and orange juice._

**(12:37) For lunch? This is unacceptable. Shame on you.**

_(12:37) It's from breakfast. I wasn't hungry, so I'm eating it now._

**(12:37) Breakfast for lunch. I like it.**

_(12:38) It's pretty trash._

**(12:38) Well, in that case.**

_(12:38) Technically this is breakfast, since I'm, you know. Breaking my fast._

**(12:38) Haha. True.**

**(12:41) Moony?**

_(12:43) Yeah. Sorry, I had a coughing fit._

**(12:43) You okay?**

_(12:43) Yeah, I'm fine. It's a normal thing. Now go away. My head hurts. I'm still not hungry. I want to sleep._

**(12:43) ...Are you sure you aren't 80?**

_(12:43) yes. Now shut up. Bye, Pumpkin Tit._

**(12:43) If you're going to call me that, I need a better name for you.**

_(12:44) I said shut up._

**(12:44) Bye. Moony.**

**MARCH 15 PM**

**(5:12) Prongs.**

(5:12) Yyyyyyyello?

**(5:12) Do you know anyone who has frequent headaches and coughing fits, sleeps a LOT, and isn't hungry often?**

(5:13) ...What?

(5:13) Does this have anything to do with your boyfriend?

**(5:13) ...What? I don't have a boyfriend.**

(5:14) Come on. You know who I'm talking about. The complete stranger you spend all your time messaging instead of talking to us. Your boyfriend.

**(5:14) Shut up. He is not my boyfriend.**

(5:14) Oh, so we're in the denial stage?

**(5:14) Shut. Up.**

(5:15) We're in the denial stage, confirmed.

**(5:15) I'm going to ignore that comment and get back to my earlier point.**

**(5:15) Do you know anyone who has frequent headaches and coughing fits, sleeps a LOT, and isn't hungry often?**

(5:16) ...No? Why?

**(5:16) Because Moony does. And I don't know if this is a normal thing or??**

(5:16) "Moony"

**(5:17) Yes. Shut up. It's what I call him. And stop making that face.**

(5:17) Oh my god. You guys have cute nicknames for each other. And you say you're not in love.

**(5:17) They're not "cute nicknames." It's just for privacy.**

(5:17) Yes. Sure.

(5:18) What's his for you?

**(5:19) Padfoot. Not a "cute nickname."**

(5:19) That took you way too long to reply to for it to be true.

(5:19) And now you're blushing.

(5:20) What's the real one?  


**(5:21) ...Pumpkin Tit.**

**(5:23) James?**

(5:24) OH MY GOD

(5:24) ARE YOU SERIOUS

**(5:24) Why yes, I am.**

(5:25) Shut up. But actually. Are you kidding.

**(5:25) I was drunk, okay?**

(5:25) You're not kidding, are you?

(5:27) Oh my god.

(5:27) Anyway. No, I don't know anyone with that particular set of traits??

**(5:28) Do you think he's okay?**

(5:28) Idk, man, you should ask him.

**(5:28) Okay. Thanks. I will.**

**(8:01) Hey, are you okay?**

_(8:05) ...What? Yes?_

**(8:05) Okay.**

**(8:06) Um, are you sure?**

_(8:06) Padfoot, what are you talking about?_

**(8:06) Idk, it just seemed like**

**(8:06) It just seemed like**

_(8:06) You can tell me._

**(8:07) It just seems like you might be sick or something, and I don't know if it's just a cold or whatever but you said**

_(8:07) Padfoot._

**(8:07) Oh gods**

**(8:08) Moony I'm so sorry**

_(8:08) Padfoot, it's okay._

_(8:08) I have good days and bad days._

**(8:09) You don't hate me?**

_(8:09) What? No._

_(8:09) I was expecting this at some point anyway._

**(8:10) Why didn't you tell me?**

_(8:10) "Hello Soti, I'm chronically ill"_

**(8:10) "Hello Soti, I come from an abusive home"**

_(8:11) Hey, it was your choice to share that. It was just nice to be able to talk to someone who hasn't thought I was going to suddenly drop dead in the middle of the conversation or smth._

**(8:11) Oh gods, could that potentially happen?**

_(8:11) No, it could not. No offense, Padfoot, but when I'm on my deathbed I'm not going to be texting you about breakfast._

**(8:12) Well. Of course.**

**(8:12) You'll be texting me about muuuuch more important things. Like the fact that you're, idk, on your deathbed.**

_(8:12) Ha. Yes._

**(8:12) I should go. Bye, Moony.**

_(8:12) Bye. Pumpkin Tit._

**(8:12) BYE.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, some of the lines in here are original quotes from Text Talk, which I don't claim to own!!  
> Thank you so much for reading this! <3333  
> Come say hi on [Tumblr!](https://silversickles.tumblr.com)


	5. March 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> James is underlined
> 
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> wtf = what the fuck  
> wyd = what (are) you doing  
> idk = i don't know  
> bc = because  
> w = with  
> gtg = gotta go  
> ttyl = talk to you later  
> dw = don't worry

**MARCH 16 AM**

**(4:21) james**

*****

(8:01) wtf pads

**(8:02) yeeeeees?**

(8:02) You texted me at 4:21 am

**(8:02) That's just when I woke up**

(8:02) Wtf you want

**(8:03) Confirmed**

**(8:03) Moony is sick but idk with what**

(8:04) ...Okay?

(8:04) Btw what's the answer to #8, Pumpkin Tit?

**(8:05) Fuck off.**

(8:05) You know you loooove me.

(8:05) Is it 12?

**(8:05) what? trig?**

(8:06) yeeees

**(8:06) Yes it's 12. Now fuck offfff**

(8:06) Byeeeeeeeee :)))))

*

_(11:22) Hey_

_(11:22) Wyd?_

**(11:24) I'm about to start a game**

_(11:24) For what?_

**(11:24) Oh. Soccer.**

_(11:24) Do you play?_

_(11:25) Well, obviously._

**(11:25) Ha. Yeah. Go Lions.**

_(11:25) Woot woot._

**(11:25) :)**

_(11:26) So do you have to wear the knee socks?_

**(11:26) ...Yes?**

_(11:26) The short shorts?_

**(11:26) Yeah? Why???**

_(11:26) Idk, just building a mental picture._

**(11:27) Creep.**

_(11:27) Ha. You're the one trying to find out where I live, not me._

**(11:27) Don't pretend you aren't either.**

_(11:27) Maybe I am. We'll never know._

**(11:28) You are.**

**(11:28) Okay, I should actually get to the game now. Cya, Moony.**

_(11:28) Cya, Padfoot. Good luck._

_(11:29) Go Lions._

** MARCH 16 PM **

(1:17) It wasn't 12, was it?

*

**(1:21) MOOOOONY WE WOOOOON**

**(1:21) LIKE I KNEW WE WOULD BC WE ARE GREAT BUT LIKE**

**(1:21) WE WON**

_(1:22) CONGRATS :)))_

**(1:22) It was only by 1 goal but like**

**(1:22) Oh and I may or may not have broken my arm**

_(1:23) ...How even?_

**(1:23) I'm actually not entirely sure. I think someone tripped me.**

_(1:24) Ouch. You okay?_

**(1:24) Yeah, I'm fine.**

**(1:24) I think it was my brother that tripped me.**

_(1:25) Oh. I'm sorry._

**(1:25) It's fine. I don't even know if it was or not.**

**(1:25) And if it makes the situation any better, on my way down I tripped someone else over. And he kinda faceplanted into the field. And he's now in the hospital wing with a broken nose.**

_(1:26) Oh my gods, Padfoot._

_(1:26) Did you do this on purpose?_

**(1:26) ...Possibly.**

_(1:26) Wow. Okay._

_(1:27) So you technically deserved the broken arm. Karma._

**(1:27) Ha. Maybe. But he deserved it too.**

_(1:27) What did he do?_

**(1:27) He elbowed Prongs in the ribs. Multiple times. Prongs fell. Multiple times.**

**(1:27) The ref didn't even call it.**

_(1:28) Maybe you're right._

_(1:28) Is Prongs okay??_

**(1:28) Yeah. He's fine. No injuries. No broken arm or anything like that.**

_(1:28) Are you okay?_

**(1:28) Oh, I'm fiiiiiine. I will stay strong.**

**(1:29) ...And there are now a bunch of girls surrounding me. Trying to give me massages. Trying to feed me grapes.**

_(1:29) ...Grapes? Wtf is going on there?_

**(1:29) Who even knows.**

_(1:29) You aren't taking advantage, are you?_

**(1:29) Oh no way. I'm actually trying to get them to go away.**

**(1:30) Update: They will not go away.**

_(1:30) They haven't noticed you're on your phone?_

**(1:30) Apparently not.**

**(1:30) UPdATE: oNE of tHEm iS tryING TO BRaID my HAiR**

**(1:30) NO ONE TOUCHES MY HAIR THIS NEEDS TO STOP NOW**

_(1:31) How good can your hair look anyway? You just played a game of soccer?_

**(1:31) IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HOT/MESSY/MASTERFULLY CONTROLLED CHAOS. BUT THAT IS NOW RUINED.**

_(1:31) Just run?_

**(1:31) I CAN'T ONE OF THEM IS ON MY LAP HELP**

_(1:31) Oh god. Where are the rest of the "Marauders?" Can't they save you?_

**(1:32) OH GOOD IDEA MOONY YOU EVIL GENIUS**

_(1:32) You flatter me._

**(1:32) I TRY**

**(1:32) CYA MOONY**

**(1:32) HOPEFULLY**

_(1:33) Good luck, Pads._

*

**(1:34) JAMES**

**(1:35) JAMES HELP**

**(1:35) H E L P**

(1:36) im w lily go away

**(1:36) NO I NEED HELP THEY'RE TORTURING ME HELP**

(1:38) no no im w lily and oMG I THINK ITS HAPPENING TTYL BYE

**(1:38) No JaMes!**

**(1:40) JAMES**

**(1:42) FINE BUT YOU'RE NOT INVITED TO THE FUNERAL WHEN I DIE OF EMBARRASMENT**

*

**(1:43) RED ALERT RED ALERT**

**(1:43) JAMES IS BUSY**

**(1:43) I THINK HE'S FIIIIINALLY GETTING W RED THOUGH SOOO**

_(1:44) Well, congrats to him, then._

_(1:44) What are they doing now?_

**(1:44) - Still feeding me grapes**

**(1:44) I don't even like grapes.**

_(1:45) How can you not like grapes?_

**(1:45) I just don't ok**

**(1:45) - Fanning me (wtf?)**

_(1:45) ...Okay_

**(1:46) - Signing my cast (forcefully help)**

_(1:46) Oh jeez._

**(1:46) Yup.**

**(1:46) - Trying to get ice under my cast onto my arm**

_(1:46) That...doesn't sound like it would work._

**(1:46) It's not.**

**(1:47) OH THANK FUCKING GOOOOODS ITS MCGONAGALLLLLLLLLL**

_(1:47) Your knight in shining armor._

**(1:47) I am not a damsel in distress.**

_(1:47) ...Are you, though?_

**(1:47) Shut up.**

_(1:48) That's a yes._

**(1:48) Okay, gtg. Partay time!**

_(1:48) I don't wanna know. Have fun, Pads._

**(1:48) AW YOU CALLED ME PADS**

**(1L48) BE STILLL MY BEATIGN HEART**

_(1:49) *Pumpkin Tit_

**(1:49) You're blushing. I can sense it thruogh the text.**

_(1:49) Shut up._

**(1:49) Fiiiiiiiine.**

_(1:49) Okay go have fun at your partay._

**(1:49) Thankss. Byeeeeeeee Mooonyy!!!!!!!!**

_(1:49) Please don't tell me you're already drunk. It's like 2pm and you've been at the party, what, 3 minutes?_

**(1:50) Shut uuup. Byeeee.**

_(1:50) Bye. Don't die. And no drunk texting, please._

**(1:50) I ccan't promisse anytihng. TTYL!!!**

_(1:50) ...Bye._

_*_

_(11:18) If you're going to text me, you better not be drunk._

**(11:21) Ha. Dw, I'm sober.**

_(11:21) ...Are you sure?_

**(11:21) Yup. Just hungover.**

_(11:21) What happened with Prongs and Red?_

**(11:21) They're now dating.**

_(11:22) And how does that make you feel?_

**(11:22) ...Do people actually say that?**

_(11:22) My psychologist did. I still laugh sometimes._

**(11:22) Wow. I thought that was just cliche.**

**(11:22) You saw a psychologist?**

_(11:22) Most teens with a chronic illness do. It's not a big deal._

**(11:23) Okay.**

**(11:23) Well, yes, I'm really happy for James. Although he's become even more insufferable than usual.**

**(11:23) He will not shut up about her.**

_(11:23) Aw. That's cute._

**(11:23) Ew. Don't. Anyway, he didn't shut up about her before either.**

_(11:24) Alright, alright. Are you sure you aren't jealous? By any chance?_

**(11:24) Idk. I just sometimes feel like**

**(11:24) I just feel like I kinda want to find "the one" too. And well it just seems like he found it so easily.**

_(11:24) I mean. I don't think it's that weird to not have found the one at 17?_

**(11:24) Yeah. It's stupid, I know.**

_(11:25) It's not stupid. I know what you mean. Good luck, I guess. And in the meantime, you could just do what every other teenage boy does._

**(11:25) ...Do I want to know?**

_(11:25) I think you know what I mean._

**(11:25) ...**

_(11:25) ;)_

**(11:26) Yeah no. I'm not**

**(11:26) What**

_(11:26) But seriously, don't worry about not finding the one. You'll find them eventually. You're only 17._

**(11:26) And until then, your suggestion is...jerking off.**

_(11:27) I'm not a psychologist. I'm 17 too._

**(11:27) You don't share a dorm with 2 other guys.**

_(11:27) I don't. But I used to share a sleeping space with five other people. This is what bathrooms are for._

**(11:27) Well. Thanks for the insight.**

_(11:27) You're welcome??_

_(11:27) Okay, I'm gonna go to bed now. Cya Pads._

**(11:28) PADS**

_(11:28) *PUMPKIN TIT_

_(11:28) WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING_

**(11:28) Ha. Goodnight, Moons.**

_(11:29) Moons?_

**(11:30) Goodnight.**

_(11:30) Goodnight._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)  
> Again, not all of these lines are my own work!! Some are original quotes from Text Talk!! I don't claim them!!  
> Come say hi on [Tumblr!](https://silversickles.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	6. March 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> James is underlined  
> Titles are bold, underlined and caps
> 
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> bc = because  
> idk = i don't know

**MARCH 17 AM**

**(7:19) No, it was not 12.**

(7:22) Fuck you.

**(7:22) :)**

*****

_(8:09) You aren't still hungover, are you?_

**(8:11) ...Maybe.**

_(8:11) Just how much did you drink? And if you aren't lying about your age (which you probably are) then you aren't even legally allowed to drink._

_(8:11) Where I live, at least._

**(8:12) ...I don't actually know how much I drank. Probably a lot.**

**(8:12) And since when have rules bothered me? I'm punk rock.**

_(8:12) You are most definitely not punk rock._

**(8:12) You wound me.**

_(8:12) Thanks. I try._

**(8:13) Would it change your mind if I told you I have a motorcycle?**

_(8:13) Do you actually?_

**(8:13) Yup.**

_(8:14) That's_

_(8:14) actually really cool, Pads._

**(8:14) Aw, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me!**

_(8:14) Can you ride it?_

**(8:14) Technically, yes.**

_(8:15) Legally?_

**(8:15) Not exactly.**

**(8:15) Smell the danger.**

_(8:15) Mmm. Smells like dead bodies._

**(8:15) Oh hush. Only 3 people have ever been injured since the creation of the bike.**

**(8:15) Prongs, Red and I. Not all at the same time.**

_(8:16) Creation?_

**(8:16) Yeah. I built it from scratch.**

_(8:16) Wow. That's...incredible._

**(8:16) Thanks.**

_(8:16) Does it have a name?_

**(8:17) A name?**

_(8:17) Well, you made it. It's like its own person._

**(8:17) Any child I help make is its own person.**

_(8:17) Wow. Only you could turn that into an innuendo._

**(8:17) ;)**

_(8:17) So what's its name?_

**(8:17) aand wellhaveto Postpne thatcinvrsation. i mayor may not hve jstraninto a pole nd ithinkihave a concussinbye**

_(8:18) oH my god padfoot_

_(8:19) Only you could have done that. I'm sorry I'm laughing I can't help it_

_(8:20) Jesus, Pads._

**(8:22) fck offf**

*****

(8:35) I'm sorry, you...ran into a pole because you were texting?

(8:35) Let me guess, you were texting Moony?

**(8:35) he lkes mymotorcycle**

(8:36) so you...ran into a pole and gave yourself a typing-skills-endangering concussion?

**(8:36) ...yes?**

(8:36) Go get some beauty sleep, Padfoot. You'll need it.

**(8:36) it's 8;36am**

(8:37) Fine.

(8:37) You do need it though.

**(8:37) fuck off**

**MARCH 17 PM**

_(9:49) How's your head?_

**(9:49) Okay, I think. Thanks.**

_(9:50) What even happened?_

**(9:50) Um. I may or may not have.**

**(9:50) Ran into a pole while texting you.**

_(9:51) I'm sorry...what???_

**(9:51) HEAD GO BANG ON POLE.**

_(9:51) How...even._

**(9:51) BC I WAS, IDK, TEXTING YOU. MY HEAD HURTS. IT IS PURPLE. MY ARM HURTS. IT IS BROKEN. I HATE THIS.**

_(9:52) Aw, Padfoot._

**(9:52) and what's more, people keep patronizing me.**

_(9:52) I'm sorry. Are you okay?_

**(9:52) I will be, I hope.**

_(9:52) Do you have soccer?_

**(9:53) Tomorrow.**

_(9:53) Are you going to play?_

**(9:53) I hope I can. I'm resting up today.**

_(9:53) It's Sunday??_

**(9:53) There are still things to be done! places to be! on sundays!**

_(9:54) Like what?_

**(9:54) Like tending to Elvendork.**

_(9:54) ...Elvendork? Is that supposed to be the motorcycle?_

**(9:54) Yuppers!**

_(9:54) What kind of a name is...Elvendork?_

**(9:55) A unisex one!**

_(9:55) I expected something more like... Midnight Beast, Raven’s Plume, Jeffrey, something dark and sinister._

**(9:55) Jeffrey???**

_(9:56) It's better than "Elvendork," whatever that's supposed to be._

**(9:56) too BAD, MOONY. My bike....my na**

**(9:57) Hi Moony, this is Prongs (did Padfoot tell you my real name?) I had to confiscate the phone so that he'll get his much needed beauty sleep. Bless him, he got a booboo. And, oh goodness gracious, what a FOUL MOUTH he has. Entirely inappropriate. Did he tell you about the time he laughed so hard he peed himself? We were eleven. Classic Padfoot.**

**(9:57) Hold on, I think he wants to say bye.**

_(9:57) Careful, Padfoot. If you murder Prongs now I'm classified as a witness._

**(9:57) Nah, I'm not gonna murder him. I'm gonna lock him away and cruelly and unusually torture him. OH NO HE'S GRABBING FOR THE PHONE BYE M**

_(9:58) Be strong, Pads. And RIP Prongs._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OVER 300 READS, YALL, OMG! Thanks for reading :)  
> Again, not all of these lines are my own work!! Some are original quotes from Text Talk!! I don't claim them!!  
> Come say hi on [Tumblr!](https://silversickles.tumblr.com)


	7. March 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics
> 
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> idk = i don't know  
> ttyl = talk to you later

**MARCH 18 PM**

**(1:21) Well. Yesterday was...interesting.**

_(1:22) Oh, you're alive!_

**(1:22) Glad to see you care.**

**(1:22) Let's just forget the whole thing happened, okay?**

_(1:23) Which part? The part when James stole your phone, the part when he told me about you peeing your pants laughing, or the part when you confessed to torture and attempted murder?_

**(1:23) ...All of it.**

_(1:24) But then what will I blackmail you with?_

**(1:24) Preferably nothing.**

_(1:24) Strong friendships are built on blackmail._

**(1:24) I don't know what kind of friends you have, but ditch them now.**

_(1:25) Um. Alice. Her boyfriend. Another girl._

_(1:25) You, I guess._

**(1:25) Prongs. Red. Meadow. Her girlfriend.**

**(1:26) You.**

_(1:26) You're still winning._

**(1:26) What? The popularity race?**

_(1:27) If that's what we're calling it._

_(1:27) So...we're friends?_

**(1:27) I mean. I like to think so.**

_(1:27) Yeah. Same._

**(1:28) So. Yes. Cool.**

_(1:29) Are you going to play today?_

**(1:29) Oh. Yeah. I'm on the field. We start in...one minute.**

_(1:29) You should go??_

**(1:29) Ha. Yeah. Probably. Prongs is yelling at me now. I'll keep you updated.**

_(1:30) Good luck, Pads._

_(1:30) Go Lions._

*

**(6:58) IDK HOW TO SAY THIS BUT**

**(6:58) WE LOST**

_(6:58) Oh, Pads. I'm sorry._

**(6:59) BY! ONE! GOAL!!!**

**(6:59) THIS IS NOT FAIR**

**(6:59) Prongs has already made 3 speeches. Now he's in his bed crying.**

_(6:59) Was this, like, a really important game?_

**(6:59) Not really. Prongs just reeeeally hates losing.**

_(7:00) ...Is he okay?_

**(7:00) Yeah, he's fine.**

**(7:00) This is a normal thing.**

_(7:00) Wow._

_(7:00) I'm sorry for your loss._

**(7:01) Thanks, Moonpie.**

**(7:01) I have to go, ttyl.**

_(7:01) Moonpie?_

_(7:01) Cya, Pumpkin Tit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY, I KNOW THIS WAS A SHORT ONE...I promise the next one will be longer!  
> Thanks for reading :)  
> Some of the lines in this are original quotes from Text Talk. I don't claim them.  
> Let me know what you think in the comments or on [Tumblr!](https://silversickles.tumblr.com)


	8. March 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> Alice is bold, underlined and italics  
> Titles are bold, underlined and caps
> 
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> idk = i don't know

**MARCH 19 PM**

**(10:48) Moony?**

_(10:50) Hm?_

**(10:50) Um so I was just wondering if I could**

**(10:50) call you?**

**(10:50) It's fine if no but**

_(10:51) You okay?_

**(10:51) Oh yeah, I'm fine. It's just I was thinking about it, and I have no idea what your voice sounds like, so I don't know how to read your texts in my head.**

**(10:51) If that makes sense??**

_(10:51) Yeah, no, I get it. Me too._

_(10:51) For all I know, you sound like Spongebob._

**(10:51) WOW.**

_(10:51) Ha. Call._

**[CALLING MOONPIE]**

**"Uh. Hello."**

_"Hi."_

**"Um. I'm sorry if I woke you up with the text."**

_"No, it's fine. I was about to text you anyway."_

**"Oh. Um, okay."**

**"You actually sound a lot like how I expected."**

_"What? Like what?"_

**"Honey. You sound like honey."**

_"...Thanks?"_

**"Like...rough, almost, but sweet at the same time, if that makes any sense?"**

_"..."_

**"Oh, god, no, sorry, that was weird. I'm sorry."**

_"No, it's fine, I do know what you mean. And it's only "rough" because I just woke up."_

_"You don't sound like I expected."_

**"Oh? And how did you expect me to sound? Like Spongebob?"**

_"I dunno, higher pitched, I guess. Not so..."_

**"Manly?"**

_"...Yeah, I guess?"_

**"Ha, you think I sound manly, do you?"**

_"You think you sound manly."_

**"You don't deny it."**

_"Moving on. I sound rough?"_

**"Not...rough, really. More croaky."**

_"Croaky?!"_

**"I like it, Moonpie."**

_"Oh, um, thanks."_

_"Moonpie? Really?"_

**"Well, I don't know your real name, and you have Pumpkin Tit, so..."**

_"Fine. I'll tell you my name. But you can't laugh."_

**"I promise I won't laugh. Mine is probably weirder, anyway."**

_"Remus."_

**"Remus."**

_"You said you wouldn't laugh!"_

**"I'm not laughing, am I? I like it! Remus. Reeeeemus. Remusssss."**

_"Shut up. I know it's a terrible name."_

**"No, I like it! And you really are a wolf."**

_"Ha, yeah, I guess. I never thought about that."_

**"Okay. You can't laugh at mine, either."**

_"I won't, I promise."_

**"Swear."**

_"What? Cross my heart and hope to die-"_

**"...Sirius."**

_"I am serious! I swore!"_

**"No, no, my name. Is Sirius. S-I-R-I-U-S. Like the star."**

_"Oh, oh fuck, I'm sorry-"_

**"No, you're fine. I should have expected it. This happens a lot."**

**"I should let you get back to sleep, I woke you up."**

_"You didn't, but okay."_

_"You should sleep too. You have school tomorrow."_

**"Yeah, okay."**

_"Good night. Sirius."_

**"Good night, Remus."**

**[Call Disconnected]**

**(11:02) Remus.**

_(11:02) Sirius._

**(11:03) Goodnight.**

_(11:03) Goodnight._

*

_(11:05) alice_

_(11:06) remember that wrong number that texted me last week?_

**_(11:06) Remus? What? Yes?_ **

_(11:06) we just called_

**_(11:06) YOU'RE IN LOVE REMUS_ **

_(11:06) he likes my croaky voice_

**_(11:07) REMUS_ **

_(11:07) I'm not in love!!_

**_(11:07) Suuure._ **

**_(11:08) So what did you talk about?_ **

_(11:08) Um. Our names._

**_(11:08) And what's Lover Boy's name?_ **

_(11:08) Lover Boy? Wtf Alice?_

**_(11:09) Don't deny it._ **

_(11:09) denying it_

_(11:09) anyway_

_(11:09) sirius_

_(11:09) his name is sirius_

**_(11:10) Like the star?_ **

_(11:10) Yeah. Like the star._

**_(11:10) can you feeel the looove tonight_ **

_(11:10) SHUT UP_

**_(11:10) FINE_ **

_(11:10) God, I can't even say that word anymore._

_(11:10) "I'm being serious."_

_(11:11) "Are you fucking serious."_

**_(11:11) You will be._ **

_(11:11) ALICE NO_

**_(11:11) i'm sorry i had to_ **

_(11:11) You absolutely did not have to_

_(11:11) What does Frank see in you honestly_

**_(11:12) Besides my wonderful personality and dazzling good looks?_**

_(11:12) Never mind. Forget I asked._

**_(11:12) Seriously (oh god you're right), though, Remus, it sounds like he likes you._ **

_(11:12) I don't think so._

**_(11:12) He does._ **

_(11:13) Alice, why would he like me?_

**_(11:13) Remus, how could he not? Besides, everything you've told me about so far makes it seem like he likes you._ **

**_(11:13) Do you like him?_ **

_(11:14) ...Idk._

**_(11:14) Well, how about a bet on it?_ **

_(11:14) ...Fine._

_(11:14) If it turns out he likes you, you have to try to get into Stanford._

** _(11:14) What? Why me?_ **

_(11:14) Because you want to go to Stanford. Duh._

**_(11:14) It's already unfair. We both know he likes you._ **

_(11:14) Shut up._

**_(11:15) You know what, fine._ **

**_(11:15) If he likes you, I have to try to go to Stanford?_**

_(11:15) Yup. Deal?_

**_(11:16) ...Deal._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, some of the lines in here are original quotes from Text Talk, which I don't claim to own!!  
> Thanks for reading :)  
> Come say hi on [Tumblr!](https://silversickles.tumblr.com)


	9. March 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> Titles are underlined, bold, and caps  
> 

**MARCH 20 AM**

**(10:21) Is this the real life??**

**(10:21) Or is this just fantasy???**

_(10:22) Caught in a landslide_

**(10:22) No escape from reality!!!!**

_(10:22) Open your eyes_

**(10:22) Look up to the skies aand seeee**

_(10:22) I'm just a poor boy_

**(10:23) I need no sympathyyyy**

_(10:23) Because I'm easy come, easy go_

**(10:23) Little high, little loooow**

_(10:23) Any way the wind blows_

**(10:23) Doesn't really matter to meeee**

_(10:23) To me_

**(10:24) Mamaaaa**

_(10:24) Just killed a man_

**(10:24) Put a gun against his head**

_(10:24) Pulled my trigger, now he's dead_

**(10:24) Mamaaaa**

_(10:24) Life had just begun_

**(10:24) And now I've gone and thrown it allll awayyyy**

_(10:24) Mama_

**(10:25) Oooooh**

_(10:25) Didn't mean to make you cry_

**(10:25) If I'm not back again this time tomorroooow**

_(10:25) Carry on, carry on_

**(10:25) As if nothing really mattersssss**

_(10:25) Too late_

**(10:25) My time has coooome**

_(10:25) Send shivers down my spine_

**(10:25) Bodys aching all the tiiiime**

_(10:26) Goodbye everybody_

**(10:26) I've gotta gooo**

_(10:26) Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth_

**(10:26) MAMAAAA**

_(10:26) Ooooh_

**(10:26) I don't wanna dieeee**

_(10:26) I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all_

**(10:27) nanananaaaa nanananaaaanananananananana naaaa**

_(10:27) I see a little silhouetto of a man_

**(10:27) SCARAMOUCHE, SCARAMOUCHE, WILL YOU DO THE FANDANGO?**

_(10:27) Thunderbolt and lightning_

**(10:27) Very very frightning me!**

_(10:27) Galileo_

**(10:27) GALILEO**

_(10:27) Galileo_

**(10:27) GALILEO**

_(10:28) Galileo figaro magnifico_

**(10:28) But...I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me**

_(10:28) He's just a poor boy from a poor family_

**(10:28) SPARE HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY!**

_(10:28) Easy come, easy go_

**(10:28) Will you let me go?**

_(10:28) Bismillah no, we will not let you go_

**(10:28) LET HIM GO**

_(10:28) Bismillah, we will not let you go_

**(10:28) LET IM GO**

_(10:29) Bismillah, we will not let you go_

**(10:29) LET HIM GO**

_(10:29) Will not let you go_

**(10:29) LET HIM GO**

_(10:29) Will not let you go_

**(10:29) Never never never never let me go**

_(10:29) No, no, no, no, no, no, no_

**(10:29) Oh maMMA MIA MAMMA MIA**

_(10:30) Mamma mia, let me go_

**(10:30) Beeezlebub has a devil put aside for meeee**

_(10:30) For me_

**(10:30) NA NA NA NA NA NA NA**

_(10:30) So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?_

**(10:30 NA NA NA NA NA NA NA**

_(10:30) So you think you can love me and leave me to die?_

**(10:30) Oh baby, cant do this to me baby**

_(10:30) Just gotta get out_

**(10:30) Just gotta #getrightouttahere**

_(10:30) Ooh, ooh yeah, ooh yeah_

**(10:30) Nothing really matters**

_(10:30) Anyone can see_

**(10:31) Nothing really matterssssss to meeeeee**

_(10:31) Any way the wind blows_

**(10:31) *bows***

_(10:31) *bows*_

**(10:31) that was pretty dang excellent if i do say so myself**

_(10:32) It really was._

**(10:32) I'm just relieved you got the reference.**

_(10:32) Literally, how could I have not gotten that reference? It's like the most famous song ever._

**(10:32) Yeah, but still.**

**(10:32) You were at least googling the lyrics though, right?**

_(10:32) ...No? Were you?_

**(10:32) You've memorized Bohemian Rhapsody, oh my god.**

_(10:32) Were you googling the lyrics?_

**(10:32) Yes???**

_(10:32) Ugh, I'm sorry, but this is a deal breaker._

**(10:33) Remus, light of my life?**

_(10:33) I just can't stay with someone who doesn't?? know?? the?? literal?? most?? famous?? song?? of?? all?? time??_

**(10:33) Hey, I know the beginning, please can we try again?**

_(10:33) ...Fine. We can try one more time._

**(10:33) Haha, okay**

**(10:33) Buddy, you're a boy, make a big noise?**

_(10:34) Nope nope nOPE that's not what i meant_

**(10:34) Yespe yespe yesPE**

_(10:34) ???_

**(10:34) If no + pe = nope,**

**(10:34) then yes + pe = yespe.**

_(10:34) Well. Can't argue with that logic._

**(10:35) At least you got the reference.**

_(10:35) Again, famous song._

**(10:35) Fine.**

**(10:35) Ack, I gotta go**

_(10:35) Bye, Sirius._

**(10:35) Bye, Remus.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I literally could not, not write this chapter. It had to have happened at some point in their friendship. (Even though barely any of this was actual writing.)  
> The song was Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, and We Will Rock You, also by Queen.  
> Thanks for reading :)  
> Come say hi on [Tumblr!](https://silversickles.tumblr.com)!


	10. March 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> Titles are underlined, caps and bold
> 
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> wiki = wikipedia

**MARCH 21 PM**

**(1:33) Do you swear often?**

_(1:33) What?_

**(1:33) It seems like sometimes you swear a lot, and sometimes not at all.**

_(1:33) Well, I swear a lot more in real life._

**(1:33) Like a lot lot more?**

_(1:34) Yes, Sirius, a lot lot more. Whatever._

**(1:34) But why not when you text?**

_(1:34) I have some kind of ban when I'm texting._

**(1:34) Nope, no more of that. I demand the ban to be lifted immediately.**

_(1:34) What? Seriously?_

_(1:35) Wow, I really can't say that anymore, huh_

**(1:35) Please, no.**

_(1:35) Sorry._

**(1:35) It's fine, my parents' fault for giving me such a terrible name.**

_(1:35) Is there a reason you're named that?_

**(1:35) Well, I am actually Sirius III.**

_(1:36) Sirius the third. Wow._

**(1:36) Yeah.**

_(1:36) Your family is strange._

**(1:36) No kidding.**

**(1:36) What about REMUS?? It can't be a common name either.**

_(1:37) It isn't._

**(1:37) At least you aren't the 3rd or anything.**

_(1:37) At LEAST you didn't ask me if I was part of a twin set._

**(1:37) What?**

_(1:37) Google "Remus." The wiki page._

**(1:39) Are you part of a twin set?**

_(1:39) Oh my god, fuck off._

**(1:39) Hey, it was a valid question.**

_(1:39) It most definitely was not._

**(1:40) Romulus would have probably made a better nickname than Moony, but too late for that now.**

_(1:40) Oh, please no_

**(1:40) It was okay though, right? The phone call.**

_(1:40) Yeah, just a little late._

**(1:41) You said you weren't sleeping!!!!**

_(1:41) I wasn't! But I was TIRED. My voice was CROAKY._

**(1:41) I told you before, I like your croaky voice**

_(1:41) And I told you before, fuck off._

**(1:41) Harsh.**

_(1:42) Yeah, so next time just a little earlier maybe?_

**(1:42) Yeah, totally.**

**(1:42) So does that mean there's gonna be a next time?**

_(1:43) ...Yeah, sure?_

**(1:43) Okay. Cool.**

_(1:43) Yeah, cool._

**(1:44) Oh, by the way**

_(1:44) Yes?_

**(1:44) My friends heard our call**

**(1:44) They were telling me about it**

**(1:44) They think we're flirting, ugh**

_(1:44) Oh my god, Alice too_

_(1:44) I'm glad it isn't just her though._

**(1:45) Haha, yeah**

**(1:45) I actually have to go now :(**

_(1:45) Bye, Sirius._

**(1:45) Bye, Romulus.**

_(1:46) *Moony_

**(1:46) Nuh uh.**

**(1:47) Fine. Bye, Remus.**

_(1:47) BYE. Pumpkin Tit._

**(1:47) Wait**

_(1:48) Hm?_

**(1:48) Swear for me?**

_(1:48) Fuck no._

**(1:48) HAHA bye**

_(1:49) B y e_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)  
> Again, not all of these lines are my own work!! Some are original quotes from Text Talk!! I don't claim them!!  
> Come say hi on [Tumblr!](https://silversickles.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	11. March 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (You can assume that they text in between the chapters now)  
> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> James is underlined  
> Dorcas is italics and underlined  
> Titles are caps and bold  
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> btw = by the way  
> MoMA = Museum of Modern Art (it's a real thing!!)

**MARCH 23 PM**

**(8:34) Soooo**

_(8:34) So_

**(8:35) What's your dream date?**

_(8:35) ...Are you asking me out?_

**(8:35) nope, my heart belong to Freddy Mercury.**

_(8:35) Are you cheating on me?_

**(8:35) Oh shit you caught me**

**(8:36) Actually though, ideal date. James finally asked Red out on an actual date but he has no ideas.**

**(8:36) It's tomorrow, btw.**

_(8:36) And neither do you?_

**(8:37) Nuh uh.**

_(8:37) Ooookay so_

_(8:37) I have no idea either. What counts as a date? Dinner?_

**(8:37) I think you might be overthinking it.**

_(8:38) I've never been on a date._

**(8:38) Neither have any of us, except me. And that didn't even really count.**

_(8:38) What happened? Do I want to know?_

**(8:38) Well, for one, we were eleven.**

_(8:38) Really?_

**(8:38) Really.**

**(8:39) We went to this disgusting coffee shop thing (it was on Valentines!!) and it was just the worst.**

**(8:39) Everything was p i n k . Not that I have nothing against pink, but oh my god. PINK. I'll never be able to see it the same way again.**

**(8:39) While we were drinking our pink coffee and eating our pink cake,**

_(8:39) The food was pink too?!_

**(8:39) Ugh, yes.**

**(8:39) While we were drinking our pink coffee and eating our pink cake,**

**(8:40) one of the fake Cupids hanging from the ceiling fell off. Into my (pink) coffee. With all its pink glitter. I'm traumatized.**

_(8:40) Oh my god._

_(8:40) So definitely not an ideal date._

**(8:40) If it even counts as one.**

_(8:40) True._

_(8:40) Alice and Frank go to this one Indian restaurant they like. And this tiny arcade, sometimes._

**(8:40) Frank?**

_(8:40) Oh. Alice's boyfriend._

**(8:40) The one who kissed you?**

_(8:40) Yeah but I'm telling you it doesn't matter._

**(8:40) It does but okay**

**(8:41) Tiny arcade?**

_(8:41) It's this adorable space-themed place near Alice's house._

_(8:41) Alice is scary good at air hockey. They place bets, and Alice wins. every. single. time._

_(8:41) I don't go there with her anymore._

**(8:41) Good decision.**

**(8:41) But the original question remains unanswered. What's your ideal date?** _(_

_(8:41) Hmm._

_(8:41) Honestly, at this point it doesn't matter to me. I'd be happy with anything._

**(8:41) That's not very helpful.**

_(8:42) But what counts as a date????_

_(8:42) What would yours be? Might give me some idea._

**(8:42) Hmm, well**

**(8:42) A picnic, maybe? I've always liked picnics. And the beach. Maybe a picnic on the beach.**

**(8:42) We could walk around and explore the tide pools. There's this place not too far from my house with some epic tide pools. And caves.**

**(8:42) We could explore the caves.**

_(8:42) Oh my god._

**(8:42) What?**

_(8:43) Long walks on the beach. You like long walks on the beach._

**(8:43) Fuck, I never even thought about that.**

**(8:43) But I guess you're right.**

_(8:43) Well, I guess...maybe a museum or something?_

_(8:43) God, I'm a nerd._

_(8:43) I dunno. I guess I just really like museums??_

**(8:44) No, that's cool**

**(8:44) Wait wait**

**(8:44) MUSEUMS**

**(8:44) ART MUSEUMS**

**(8:44) GALLERIES**

**(8:44) Thank you REMUS YOU'RE A GENIUS**

_(8:45) ...You're welcome??_

_*_

**(8:45) MUSEUMS**

**(8:45) PUBLIC SHOWINGS**

**(8:45) GALLERIES**

**(8:46) MoMA**

(8:46) GENIUS

**(8:46) IT WAS REMUS BUT I KNOW YOU'RE WELCOME**

(8:46) Remus?

**(8:47) MOONY**

(8:47) Oh, your boyfriend?

**(8:47) Shut up.**

_ (8:47) Wait, James has a date idea? _

(8:47) You bet I do 😏 😁

_ (8:48) So we can finally talk about something else? _

(8:48) Shut up.

(8:48) And Sirius, tell your boyfriend I say thanks.

**(8:48) He's not my boyfriend. And I will.**

*****

**(8:49) Prongs says thanks.**

_(8:49) Tell him I say you're welcome._

**(8:49) Will do.**

**(8:49) Goodnight.**

_(8:49) Goodnight._

_*_

**(8:49) Moony says you're welcome.**

**(8:49) And I'm not relaying any messages back to him. He's going to bed, anyway.**

(8:50) Cool, thanks <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of these lines are original quotes from Text Talk, I don't claim them.  
> Thanks for reading :)  
> Gonna bump my [Tumblr](https://silversickles.tumblr.com) one last time :)


	12. March 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remus is italics  
> Sirius is bold  
> James is underlined  
> Titles are caps, bold and underlined

**MARCH 26 PM**

**(2:22) I got kicked out of class.**

**(2:22) Detention, too.**

_(2:22) What did you do?_

**(2:23) I JUST PAINTED MY NAILS.**

_(2:23) That's...not allowed?_

**(2:23) I don't even know**

**(2:23) Red's are painted!!!**

**(2:24) The chemistry teacher really likes her though so I don't even know if it's a double standard or just favoritism**

_(2:24) Are you just sitting in the hall? Principal's office?_

**(2:24) ...Not exactly**

_(2:24) Where are you then?_

**(2:25) Um**

_(2:25) Sirius?_

_(2:25) Where are you?_

**(2:25) ...Parking lot?**

_(2:26) What are you doing there?_

**(2:26) You don't want to know**

_(2:26) Sirius._

_(2:26) What are you doing?_

**(2:26) Standing by the chemistry teacher's car**

_(2:26) Oh no_

_(2:26) What are you doing to it??_

_(2:27) *Do I want to know?_

**(2:27) I'm only gonna slash one tire...**

_(2:27) Padfoot._

**(2:27) Just one!!**

_(2:27) Are you sure?_

_(2:28) Either way, if you slash any tires, it'll still be vandalism._

_(2:28) And if you vandalize the car, they won't care what else happened. Your case for him being an asshole will be ruined._

**(2:28) I don't caaaare**

**(2:29) It'll feel good**

_(2:29) But it'll feel even better if tomorrow you can come back with painted nails and shove that in his face._

**(2:29) What if that's not allowed?**

_(2:29) Then you can slash the tires._

**(2:29) ...Okay**

**(2:30) I'm on my way to the headmaster's office**

_(2:30) Good luck._

_(2:30) Tell me how it goes._

**(2:30) Will do.**

**(2:30) And thanks, Remus.**

_(2:31) You're welcome, I'll stop you from slashing tires any time._

**(2:31) Haha**

**(2:31) Really, though, thank you.**

_(2:31) Really, you're welcome._

**(2:31) I'm outside the headmaster's office**

_(2:32) Good luck._

**(2:32) Thanks.**

_(2:32) Oh, and by the way_

**(2:32) Yeah?**

_(2:33) The nail polish is hot._

**(2:33) O**

**(2:33) Oh jeez**

**(2:34) Thanks?**

_(2:34) Well, it is._

**(2:34) Okay, going in now**

_(2:35) Stay strong._

*

(2:26) Padfoot?

(2:27) P a d f o o t ?

(2:28) Sirius??

(2:29) Bro, where are you

(2:30) SIRIUS

**(2:30) I'm going to Dumbledore's, jeez**

**(2:30) Chill**

(2:31) Really?

**(2:31) Yes???**

(2:31) What happened to that look on your face  


**(2:31) What look on my face??**

**(2:31) There isn't any "look on my face"**

(2:32) The one that says you're about to blow shit up.

**(2:32) Oh, that look**

**(2:33) Yeah, I changed my mind**

**(2:33) It was pointed out that vandalizing teachers' property probably would not help my case.**

(2:33) Uh oh, passive voice alert

(2:34) I'm taking that to mean that...Moony pointed out?

**(2:34) Yes, okay, fine**

(2:35) Green or red?

**(2:35) What?**

(2:35) Green or red nail polish?

(2:35) Lily says she has green, red and blue and I think Dorcas will want blue.

**(2:35) Yeah, I think you're right**

(2:35) So?

**(2:36) ...Green.**

**(2:36) Lily's already wearing red, right?**

(2:36) Good choice.

(2:36) I said that and Dorcas just says it would be cute.

**(2:36) God I hate that girl**

(2:37) No, you don't

**(2:37) Yeah, you're right I don't**

(2:37) It's okay you don't have to be jealous

**(2:37) Who told you I was jealous??**

(2:38) It's okayyy one day you'll meet Remus and everything will be okay and you'll get all the kissing thing too

**(2:38) f u c k o f f**

(2:38) Nuh uh

**(2:38) Yuh uh**

(2:38) Nuh uhhh

**(2:38) Whateverrrr**

**(2:38) Dumbledore's here**

(2:39) Good luck

**(2:39) Thanks, I'll need it**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of these lines are from Text Talk, I don't claim them  
> Thanks for reading :)


	13. March 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> James is underlined  
> Titles are caps, underlined and bold  
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> chem = chemistry

**MARCH 28 AM**

**(11:52) So.**

_(11:52) So?_

**(11:52) It turns out there is no. rule. against. nail. polish**

_(11:52) So just your chem teacher being a dickhead, then?_

**(11:52) *Is a dickhead**

**(11:53) And yes, exactly**

**(11:53) The headmaster is awesome, he says he isn't gonna make up the rule just to stop me**

_(11:53) The nail polish stays!_

**(11:53) Mhm and also it gets better**

_(11:53) Better than this??_

**(11:53) Yeah, I have chem again tomorrow and James and Meadow are getting all dolled up with me. >:D**

**(11:53) Meadow's a girl but she never wears nail polish so it will have an EFFECT**

_(11:53) Ooh, an EFFECT_

_(11:53) Also what the fuck is that face_

**(11:53) You mean this**

**(11:54) >:D**

**(11:54) face?**

_(11:54) ...Yes, that face._

**(11:54) What could you possibly mean?? The face is b e a u t i f u l**

_(11:54) Mhm yeah sure_

_(11:54) Good luck with the nails, though. Alice had me do hers once and_

_(11:54) Let's just say it went *everywhere*_

**(11:55) Oh god okay**

**(11:55) Not for yourself though?**

_(11:55) I bite my nails, they're way too short to do anything with_

_(11:55) I wish, though_

**(11:55) Yeah, that would be**

**(11:55) That would be**

**(11:55) Good**

_(11:55) ...I'm planning to go out with my mom today for lunch_

**(11:56) The...the outside world???? Remus???**

_(11:56) Yeah actually haha_

**(11:56) Won't you...won't you burn?**

_(11:56) Werewolf, not vampire_

**(11:56) Mmm true**

_(11:56) But honestly I might, I haven't been outside in forever so I don't even know_

**(11:56) Hahahaha**

**(11:56) Go outside Moony**

**(11:56) Don't burn**

_(11:56) No promises_

**(11:57) HAHA bye**

_(11:57) Bye_

*

**(4:23) What did you mean the other day?**

(4:25) What?

**(4:25) When you said that if/when I meet Moony, there'll be "all of the kissing thing" or something like that**

**(4:25) What did you mean?**

(4:25) Pads, that was a long time ago

**(4:26) Yeah, but I had to think about it**

(4:26) Aren't you supposed to be in detention?

**(4:26) God you're such a mom**

(4:26) I am NOT how dare you

**(4:26) Yeah, you just keep on telling yourself that**

**(4:26) You're half the reason I'm here anyway, you sold me out**

(4:26) Yes well

(4:26) That's not the point

**(4:27) Yeah you're right**

**(4:27) The point is, why'd you say that?**

(4:27) It was a joke???

**(4:27) ...**

(4:27) Really. It's just you guys are talking a lot, like a lot a lot

**(4:27) And you have...a problem with that?**

(4:28) What?? No, no way, it's just that like, he's a stranger. It's kinda weird

**(4:28) Are you...jealous?**

(4:28) What the fuck

(4:28) Fuck no

**(4:28) Yeah, but**

(4:28) Oh

(4:29) Oh you're having your Big Gay Freakout aren't you

**(4:29) Fuck off.**

(4:29) You aaaare

(4:29) Well it's okay we all knew it was coming at some point anyway

**(4:30) Shut up.**

**(4:30) Bye**

(4:30) Bai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of these lines...don't claim them etc etc  
> Thanks for reading :)


	14. March 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> Titles are caps, underlined and bold  
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> omg = oh my god

**MARCH 31 PM**

**(4:42) So...**

_(4:42) So...?_

**(4:42) Can I ask a question about the Frank thing?**

_(4:43) Okay?_

**(4:43) Are you straight?**

_(4:43) ...What? What does that have to do with the Frank thing?_

**(4:43) No, I was just wondering? Because you kissed him but if you're straight then that would be a very different situation**

_(4:43) Huh I guess so_

_(4:43) Are you sure you don't have an ulterior motive?_

**(4:43) ...Maybe**

_(4:43) And it is?_

**(4:44) I think I might be gay**

**(4:44) Or bi or something I have no idea**

_(4:44) Okay, well, yes I am bi_

**(4:44) And how did you know? That you were bi?**

**(4:44) I'm sorry**

_(4:44) Nah it's fine I'm not surprised_

_(4:44) I mean, the Frank thing (is that what we're calling it?) was pretty solidifying for me._

**(4:45) Hmm**

**(4:45) So what you're saying is I should get drunk and kiss a few guys just to make sure**

_(4:45) I mean_

_(4:45) That's not a bad idea I guess_

_(4:45) For you anyway. Might be a bad idea for them_

**(4:45) But was that the first time you realized?**

_(4:45) ...No_

**(4:46) And the first time would be?**

_(4:46) You're really going to make me say it huh_

**(4:46) Mhm yes I am**

_(4:46) So there was a hot doctor_

**(4:46) Oh my god**

_(4:46) Shut up, I was 14_

**(4:46) Oh my GOD**

_(4:46) Oh, and a few celebrities which I refuse to name_

**(4:46) Noooo**

**(4:47) Tell meee**

_(4:47) Nope_

**(4:47) Pleeeease?**

_(4:47) NO. And we never speak of this again._

**(4:47) F i n e .**

**(4:47) But what about that blackmail you were talking about?**

_(4:47) Nah, that only goes one way._

**(4:47) Ah, I see how it is. hmph**

_(4:47) Aw, are you pouting?_

**(4:47) No, shut up**

_(4:48) Fine. But, remember. Blackmail._

_(4:48) So you think you might be gay? Or bi, or whatever?_

**(4:48) Yeah. I have been with girls though, so i really have no idea at this point.**

_(4:48) It's okay. It will be added to the list of things that are not required to be known/done before 17._

**(4:48) Well, everyone else knows!**

_(4:48) It's just harder to figure out for some people._

**(4:48) Yeah, well, I don't want to be someone's Frank.**

_(4:48) 1) It wasn't that big of a deal, but good point and 2) I think you hating the Frank thing so much would stop you from being a Frank._

**(4:48) Yeah, but if I was drunk**

_(4:48) Don't get drunk then_

**(4:49) Nah**

_(4:49) Maybe...you should find a neutral place?_

**(4:49) A neutral place?**

_(4:49) Like a club, or something?_

**(4:49) But that would involve kissing strangers.**

**(4:49) Which I would rather not.**

_(4:49) Fair point_

_(4:49) You did say you've dated girls, though?_

**(4:49) You think I'm bi?**

_(4:50) This is you, not me. I wouldn't know._

_(4:50) And besides, it's a spectrum, you know._

**(4:50) I do know, and it is very overwhelming**

_(4:50) Hey, it's okay. You're only 17, don't panic._

**(4:50) Too late**

_(4:50 And maybe try googling some things. Google is your friend._

**(4:50) ...Oh my god**

_(4:50) What?_

**(4:50) Is this the porn thing again**

**(4:50) Are you telling me to watch porn**

_(4:50) I_

_(4:50) Not originally, but_

_(4:50) I wouldn't rule it out_

**(4:50) Oh my god Moony**

**(4:50) Any video recommendations?**

_(4:50) I_

_(4:50) Fuck off_

**(4:50) No? Magazines, then?**

_(4:50) F u c k o f f_

_(4:51) Don't you have stuff to do?_

_(4:51) Go to class or something_

**(4:51) Aw look, Moony's all flustered.**

_(4:51) Omg go away_

**(4:51) Okayyy**

**(4:51) Really though, thank you**

_(4:51) No problem, Padfoot._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some...don't claim them etc  
> Thanks for reading :)


	15. April 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> Titles are caps, underlined and bold  
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:

**APRIL 2 AM**

_(9:32) Any epic April Fool's pranks?_

**(9:32) Noooooo**

_(9:32) No???_

**(9:33) No, the pranks come a few days later, when no one's expecting them.**

_(9:33) Ah I should have guessed_

_(9:33) What do you have planned?_

**(9:33) Oh, but a great master can never reveal the secrets, Moony.**

_(9:33) f i n e_

**(9:33) But we haven't had the conversation yet.**

_(9:34) ???_

**(9:34) The how-accurate-is-your-nickname conversation**

_(9:34) Okay?_

**(9:34) And so we have to find out.**

_(9:34) ...Okay?_

**(9:34) So describe yourself?**

_(9:34) No_

**(9:34) Come onnnn**

_(9:34) I'd think you know me pretty well by now?_

**(9:34) Soulmates ;)**

**(9:34) But also...Describe yourself!**

_(9:35) Uh_

_(9:35) I suddenly don't know anything about myself_

**(9:35) That's usually how it goes**

**(9:35) Describe yourself physically?**

_(9:35) I_

_(9:35) Is this a sext_

**(9:35) If you want it to be ;)**

_(9:35) Oh my god go away_

**(9:35) Okayy but describe yourself physically??**

_(9:36) Oh um okay so_

_(9:36) Light brownish hair. Green eyes. Pale skin._

_(9:36) Um, am actually a werewolf._

**(9:36) I'd say Moony's pretty accurate in that case!!**

_(9:36) Well, what about you?_

**(9:36) Black hair. Tannish skin. Chiseled jaw. Sculpted cheekbones, luxurious locks, dazzling smile, buff, sparkly teeth.**

**(9:36) Amazingly handsome. You get the picture.**

_(9:37) I...do._

_(9:37) Catfish?_

**(9:37) OH MY GOD NO**

**(9:37) Although you wouldn't be the first person to think so**

_(9:37) What, how many other people have you met online?_

**(9:37) Jealous, Moony?**

_(9:37) No, go away_

**(9:37) I thought so.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, short, I know!!!  
> Some...don't clam them  
> Thanks for reading :)


	16. April 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> Titles are caps, bold and underlined

**APRIL 3 PM**

_(8:32) i'm bored_

**(8:32) Me too. This is not fun**

_(8:32) Tell me a story_

**(8:32) Noooo**

_(8:32) Please?_

**(8:33) I can sense the puppy dog eyes**

_(8:33) Great, so tell me a story._

**(8:33) Fine.**

**(8:33) There once was a boy named Harry.**

**(8:34) Destined to be a star**

**(8:34) His parents were killed by Voldemort**

_(8:34) Who now_

**(8:34) Don't ask, it'll all be explained later in the story**

_(8:34) Alright then_

**(8:35) Who gave him a lightning scar**

_(8:34) Is this supposed to be rhyme?_

**(8:34) Yes, shut up**

_(8:34) Nice_

**(8:35) Yo Harry! You're a wizard!**

_(8:35) Um what_

**(8:35) Don't question the creative genius**

**(8:35) Moving on**

**(8:34) Harry goes to Hogwarts**

_(8:35) Harry goes to what_

**(8:35) Wizard school!!**

_(8:36) I see_

**(8:35) He meets Ron and Hermione**

**(8:35) (Before you ask, his little wizard friends)**

_(8:35) Of course_

**(8:35) McGonagall requires he play for gryffindor**

_(8:35) McGonagall as in your camp counselor?_

**(8:35) And teacher, yes, I've decided she's secretly a witch and a cat**

_(8:35) AND a cat_

**(8:36) Indeed**

_(8:36) Alright continue_

_(8:36) Wait actually what is he playing?_

**(8:36) Quidditch**

_(8:36) ..._

**(8:36) Basketball on broomsticks with six hoops**

_(8:37) Makes sense_

_(8:37) Relatively, anyway_

**(8:37) Draco is a daddy's boy**

**(8:37) (That was not meant to have dirty implications)**

_(8:37) I didn't think so but okay who's draco_

**(8:37) Stuck up asshole (for now anyway) with self esteem issues**

_(8:37) Uh how old are these kids_

**(8:38) Who said they were kids?**

_(8:38) School_

**(8:38) Yeah you're right they're eleven now because I said so**

_(8:38) Young_

**(8:38) Well I am the author here. Moving on**

**(8:38) Quirrel becomes unemployed**

_(8:38) Aw poor squirrel_

**(8:38) Nah, he deserved it, he had Voldemort on the back of his head**

**(8:38) And quirrel, not squirrel**

_(8:39) He w h a t_

_(8:39) And I like squirrel better_

**(8:39) It's Quirrel and don't ask**

_(8:39) Fine continue_

**(8:39) The Sorcerer's stone is destroyed by Dumbledore**

_(8:39) 1) the what 2) Who now_

**(8:39) The sorcerer's stone, it can turn stone to gold and make immortalizing potion**

_(8:40) Fancy_

**(8:40) And Dumbledore's the headmaster but he's a manipulative asshole too**

_(8:40) Alright then_

**(8:40) That's the end of book one**

_(8:40) That was short_

**(8:40) That was the abridged version**

_(8:40) But it rhymed_

**(8:40) Yup aren't I fancy**

**(8:41) Book 2 now?**

_(8:41) Yes please_

**(8:41) Ron breaks his wand**

_(8:41) His fault?_

**(8:41) Nah, it was his teacher's**

_(8:41) Which teacher?_

**(8:41) Lockhart, he's a self absorbed asshole**

_(8:42) There seem to be a lot of assholes in this story_

**(8:42) There are a lot of assholes in real life, they just don't get mentioned**

_(8:42) Deep_

**(8:42) Anyway**

**(8:43) Now Ginny's gone**

_(8:43) Who?_

**(8:43) Ron's sister, he has six siblings**

_(8:43) Oof_

**(8:43) Yup**

**(8:43) And Harry's in mortal danger**

_(8:44) What happened now?_

**(8:44) There's a 50 year old secret diary that sucks people in, mentally and physically**

**(8:44) Also spiders**

_(8:44) Fun_

**(8:44) Tom Riddle hides his snake inside his ginormous secret chamber**

_(8:45) Tom Riddle_

**(8:45) It's revealed he's actually a memory of Young Voldemort**

_(8:45) This is chaotic_

**(8:45) Indeed**

**(8:45) That's the end of book 2**

_(8:45) What?? That was a cliffhanger!!_

**(8:45) It isn't a cliffhanger in the real book, it's just the abridged version, remember**

_(8:45) So what happens in the real book?_

**(8:47) Harry uses a basilisk (giant snake with a deadly stare) (basically medusa) fang to stab the diary and Riddle dies. Ginny is found in the chamber and they escape the chamber by hanging on to a phoenix feather. The entrance to the chamber is in the bathroom in a sink and Harry can speak snake.**

_(8:47) harry can what_

**(8:47) Speak snake**

**(8:47) There's also a depressed ghost that keeps trying to hit on him**

**(8:47) Did I mention Ginny wrote him a love song?**

**(8:47) Although it sounds more like it was coming from Voldemort his mortal enemy**

**(8:48) Ginny wouldn't call Voldemort the dark lord**

_(8:48) Voldemort calls himself the dark lord_

**(8:48) Mhm he's annoying like that**

_(8:48) Ah_

_(8:48) How many books are there?_

**(8:48) Seven and a broadway show. And a bunch of companions.**

_(8:48) You're ridiculous_

**(8:48) Thanks**

_(8:48) Book 3?_

**(8:49) See, you love it.**

_(8:49) Story?_

**(8:49) Harry blows up Aunt Marge**

**(8:49) (She deserved it)**

**(8:49) The dementors come and take charge**

**(8:49) (Creepy things that suck out your soul when they kiss you)**

_(8:49) Rude_

**(8:49) They are**

**(8:49) Lupin is a wolf**

_(8:50) I_

_(8:50) Wh_

_(8:50) Who's a wolf?_

**(8:50) Lupin? He's the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher but it turns out he's a werewolf**

_(8:50) I_

_(8:50) Like me_

**(8:50) Uh huh**

**(8:51) The rat's a man, and now the prisoner is at large**

**(8:51) They use time travel to save the Prisoner of Azkaban (wizard prison) who just so happens to be Harry's godfather, I don't really get it either**

_(8:51) Is that last part of the song or a comment?_

**(8:51) Part of the song**

_(8:51) Nice_

**(8:51) Book 4 now?**

_(8:51) Yeah okay_

**(8:51) Harry gets put in the Triwizard Tournament**

**(8:51) (Basically deadly underage wizard olympics.)**

**(8:51) With dragons and mermaids**

_(8:51) Oh no_

**(8:51) That**

**(8:51) That was the line**

_(8:51) lmao what_

**(8:52) Yeah actually**

**(8:52) Edward Cullen gets slayed**

_(8:52) This is a crossover now?_

**(8:52) Pretty much yeah**

**(8:52) He's back**

_(8:52) Who's back?_

**(8:52) Voldemort**

_(8:52) Chaotic_

**(8:52) It is**

**(8:52) Next book?**

_(8:53) Sure_

**(8:52) Harry, Harry, it's getting scary**

**(8:52) Voldemort's back and you're a revolutionary Harry**

_(8:53) Nice_

**(8:53) Not to him, he hates the attention**

**(8:53) Dumbledore, Dumbledore, why is he ignoring**

**(8:53) your constant attempts to contact him?**

**(8:53) He is forced to leave the school**

**(8:53) Umbridge arrives**

_(8:53) Asshole?_

**(8:53) Yup, passive aggressive bigoted politician-turned-teacher-and-torturer**

_(8:53) Is that allowed?_

**(8:53) In her hierarchy of a high school, yeah**

**(8:53) Poor guy's 15**

_(8:53) Oooof_

**(8:54) Draco's a tool**

_(8:54) He's what_

**(8:54) Everyone keeps using him**

_(8:54) O o f_

**(8:54) Kids break into the Ministry**

**(8:54) (Government building, government's really fucked up)**

**(8:54) Sirius Black is dead as can be, oh**

_(8:54) Sirius?_

**(8:54) Yeah that's me**

_(8:54) You killed yourself off_

**(8:54) Pretty much yeah**

_(8:54) Also Sirius Black? That's obviously fake_

**(8:55) Lol no it's not**

_(8:55) Catfish_

**(8:55) Not kidding**

_(8:55) That's not a real name_

**(8:55) It is**

**(8:55) My family has *traditions* remember**

_(8:55) Okay okay_

**(8:55) Continue, book 6 now?**

_(8:55) Mhm_

**(8:56) Split your soul**

_(8:56) Um what_

**(8:56) muy evil**

**(8:56) Seven parts of a whole**

**(8:56) They're Horcruxes**

_(8:56) Creepy name_

**(8:56) They are indeed creepy**

**(8:56) It's Dumbledore's end**

_(8:56) DUMBLEDORE?!?!_

**(8:56) He's dead**

_(8:56) I liiiiked him_

**(8:56) He doesn't deserve your love**

_(8:56) Oh, and I suppose you do?_

**(8:56) Yes exactly**

**(8:56) Starting Book 7**

**(8:56) There once was a boy named Harry**

**(8:56) Who constantly conquered death**

**(8:57) (Almost every year, in fact)**

**(8:57) But in one final duel between good and bad, he may take his final breath.**

_(8:57) Dramatic_

_(8:57) Cliffhanger_

_(8:57) What about the Broadway show?_

**(8:57) Oh that's a whole different story for another time**

_(8:57) Ok I'm going to try to sleep now_

**(8:57) Goodnight**

_(8:57) Goodnight_

_(8:58) And thanks for the stories._

**(8:58) You're SO welcome.**

_(8:58) Wow_

_(8:58) Bye_

**(8:58) Byee**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points if you know what this is from  
> Also as I was writing this I realized canon HP is literally the weirdest au like what the fuck?  
> This took forever i'm sOrRy at least it's long(ish)  
> Thanks for reading :)


	17. April 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> Titles are caps, underlined and bold
> 
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> idk = i don't know

**APRIL 4 AM**

**(8:56) So!**

**(8:56) You're probably busy or at school at or asleep, but a discovery has been made.**

_(8:56) You're the one who should be at school._

**(8:56) You don't go to school?**

_(8:57) I'm homeschooled_

**(8:57) But doesn't it still count as texting in class?**

**(8:57) Since you're always at school? (idk how it works?)**

_(8:57) Usually yes, but I don't have school today_

**(8:57) Luckyyyy**

_(8:57) Not really, don't have anything to do_

**(8:57) So talk to me!**

_(8:57) Don't have a choice, do I_

**(8:58) Nope**

_(8:58) Resigning myself to your discovery, then_

_(8:58) What?_

**(8:58) My stripper name!!**

_(8:58) Oh god, okay_

_(8:58) What is it?_

**(8:58) So before I tell you, just know that I followed the formula and it's all very official and good**

_(8:58) Right so what is it_

**(8:59) Drumroll please?**

_(8:59) *drumrolls regrettably*_

**(8:59) It's...**

_(8:59) *continues drumrolling regrettably*_

**(8:59) Witherwings Grimmauld!!**

_(8:59) Impressive. Less anticlimatic than I expected._

**(8:59) Isn't it?**

**(8:59) What's yours?**

_(8:59) What's the formula?_

**(9:00) First pet and street you currently live on.**

_(9:00) ... Snuffles Cottage._

**(9:00) "Snuffles"**

_(9:00) "Witherwings"_

_(9:00) What animal was that?_

**(9:01) A canary. Not a very nice one, either.**

_(9:01) What happened?_

**(9:01) It kept. PECKING ME.**

_(9:01) Tragic_

**(9:01) IT WAS.**

_(9:01) Snuffles Cottage sounds like a literal drug den. You can't complain here._

**(9:01) I can't complain? Witherwings Grimmauld?**

_(9:01) Fair I guess_

_(9:02) What happened to Witherwings?_

**(9:02) It escaped when I was 8**

_(9:02) "It escaped"_

**(9:02) Correction: I let it go.**

_(9:02) What did the poor thing ever do to you?_

**(9:02) IT WAS THE MOST ANNOYING THING.**

**(9:03) So LOUD.**

_(9:03) Valid._

_(9:03) But now I have to go._

**(9:03) See you.**

_(9:03) Bye, Pads._

**(9:03) Bye, Snuffles Cottage.**

_(9:03) Wow._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some...don't claim them...  
> Thanks for reading :)


	18. April 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remus is italics  
> Alice is bold, underlined and italics  
> Titles are caps, bold and underlined
> 
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> sfw = safe for work (opposite of nsfw)  
> Omfg = oh my fucking god  
> idk = i don't know  
> omg = oh my god  
> wtf = what the fuck

_APRIL 5 AM_

_ **(9:32) Any updates on the mystery texting dude? Sirius if I remember correctly (which I’m pretty sure I do)** _

_(9:32) You do_

_(9:32) And...yes_

_ **(9:32) Oh do tell** _

_(9:33) Nosy_

_ **(9:33) I don’t deny it** _

_ **(9:33) Continue** _

_(9:33) Okay so_

_(9:33) I’m not sure if I should be telling you this_

_ **(9:33) Oh god is it dirty** _

_ **(9:34) It’s dirty isn’t it** _

_(9:34) It’s not dirty omg_

_(9:34) Well not relatively anyway_

**_(9:34) Oh my god_ **

**_(9:34) Is it sfw_ **

_(9:34) Yes shut up_

**_(9:34) Great so tell me_ **

_(9:34) But privacyyyy_

**_(9:34) But best friends benefitssssss_ **

**_(9:34) Come onnn_ **

_(9:34) Fine_

_(9:34) His last name_

**_(9:34) Is?_ **

_(9:35) Not for you to know_

**_(9:35) Oh my god fine_ **

**_(9:35) What was the dirty thing?_ **

_(9:35) Um_

_(9:35) Stripper names_

**_(9:35) Lmaooo omfg_ **

**_(9:35) What’s his?_ **

_(9:35) Witherwings Grimmauld_

**_(9:35) What the fuck_ **

_(9:35) Anticlimatic I know_

**_(9:36) What’s yours?_ **

_(9:36) Snuffles Cottage. Don’t laugh._

**_(9:36) Uhh I’m laughing._ **

_(9:36) Well shut up then_

**_(9:36) What would mine be?_ **

_(9:36) Idk you never had a pet did you_

**_(9:36) Wait what’s the formula?_ **

_(9:36) First pet and street you live on_

**_(9:36) So I’d just be University then_ **

_(9:36) Yeah pretty much_

_(9:36) Think about it though_

_(9:37) Fluffy University_

_(9:37) Best stripper name ever_

**_(9:37) Omg Fluffy was not a pet_ **

_(9:37) Fluffy was a stuffed lion_

_(9:37) Which you named_

_(9:37) Same thing, really_

**_(9:37) It is not and we don’t talk about Fluffy remember_ **

_(9:37) Blaaaackmaiiiil_

**_(9:37) Preseeerviiiing myyyy dignityyyy_ **

_(9:38) What dignity?_

**_(9:38) Omg bye_ **

_(9:38) Wait no come back_

_(9:38) Aliceeeee_

_(9:38) We were talking about Siriusssss_

**_(9:38) Fine._ **

_(9:38) I don’t think he likes me._

**_(9:38) How do you know?_ **

_(9:38) I don’t, but_

**_(9:39) No offense, Remus, but I think that’s just your low self esteem talking_ **

_(9:39) I most certainly do not have low self esteem_

**_(9:39) Dude_ **

**_(9:39) Anyway bye, I’ll leave you to think about that_ **

_(9:39) Alice wtf_

_(9:39) Why would you leave now_

_(9:39) That was not a good time to leave me_

_(9:39) I have questionssss_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)


	19. April 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> Titles are caps, underlined and bold
> 
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> omg = oh my god  
> smh = shaking my head
> 
> Cw for a mention of drugs/illegal substances, dynamite, and crime, be careful xx

**APRIL 7 AM**

_ (8:22) Any babysitting tips? _

**(8:22) Oh no, what did you do Moony**

_ (8:22) You sound like me. And I didn’t do anything _

_ (8:22) Someone apparently decided I would be trustworthy to take care of children _

**(8:22) Remus you are a child**

_ (8:22) Yes an old child _

_ (8:22) And they are young children _

**(8:23) How many kids? How old are they?**

_ (8:23) Two kids, they're six and eight _

**(8:23) More details?**

_ (8:23) Boys, ginger _

_ (8:23) So, so ginger _

**(8:23) How ginger is so, so ginger?**

_ (8:23) So, so, so, so ginger _

_ (8:23) Bright red hair, freckles _

**(8:24) Freckles?**

_ (8:24) So, so, so many freckles _

**(8:24) Crimes committed so far?**

_ (8:24) … _

**(8:24) Arson, vandalism, possession of illegal substances?**

_ (8:24) “Illegal substances” _

**(8:24) Omg no not drugs, I meant more like dynamite**

_ (8:25) Oh thank god _

_ (8:25) Nothing I know about _

**(8:25) Remus!! It’s the babysitter’s job to know about any and all illegal substances in possession of the charges**

_ (8:25) 1) I’m pretty sure they don’t have anything on them 2) What do you know about babysitting anyway _

**(8:25) Absolutely nothing**

_ (8:25) Wow _

**(8:25) And I’ll take your word for it, but be careful**

**(8:26) So what are they doing now?**

_ (8:26) I _

_ (8:26) Oh shit _

_ (8:26) Hold on _

**(8:26) Lmaooo Moony what did they do you were supposed to be watching them**

_ (8:35) Shit okay I’m back _

**(8:35) Hahaha what happened**

_ (8:35) You don’t want to know _

**(8:35) Tell meeee**

_ (8:36) Basically they got into the bathroom _

**(8:36) Oh no**

_ (8:36) And got _

_ (8:36) Very very messy _

**(8:36) Oh goood**

_ (8:36) With some _

_ (8:36) Substances _

_ (8:36) Which are not illegal _

_ (8:37) But are very very gross _

**(8:37) Oh my god that’s terrible lmaooo**

_ (8:37) Yes it issss _

**(8:37) What did you do with them?**

_ (8:37) Stuck them in the bath _

_ (8:37) They can make a mess in there I don’t care _

_ (8:37) It’ll go down the drain yay _

**(8:37) Ah that’s good**

_ (8:38) It is _

_ (8:38) ...Oh no _

**(8:38) What now…**

_ (8:38) I hear shouts _

_ (8:38) I’m probably going to end up having to clean _

**(8:38) Lmaooo**

_ (8:38) You wouldn’t be laughing if you had to clean it all up _

**(8:38) You’re right, but, you see, I don’t have to clean it all up**

**(8:38) So I’m laughing**

_ (8:39) Ugh fine _

**(8:39) Are they ok though**

_ (8:39) I think so _

**(8:39) You should checkkkk**

_ (8:40) Okay I checked they’re fine _

**(8:40) ...All right**

**(8:40) Whose kids are these anyway**

_ (8:40) I didn’t kidnap the kids do you have no faith _

**(8:40) Uh not really**

_ (8:40) Smh. They’re the lil chillens of a friend of a friend _

_ (8:40) Of my parents _

**(8:40) And they’re supposed to be here?**

_ (8:40) Omg yes _

_ (8:40) They wouldn’t be if it was up to me _

**(8:40) Fair**

_ (8:40) Oh no _

**(8:40) …?**

_ (8:42) Water fight _

**(8:42) Oh god**

**(8:42) Well you’re not just going to let them sit there and do their thing are you**

**(8:42) You’re going to join in**

_ (8:42) ...I’m going to join in _

**(8:42) Atta boy**

_ (8:49) Well _

**(8:49) How was it??**

_ (8:49) I am soaked _

**(8:49) Was it worth it??**

_ (8:49) Honestly? Yes _

**(8:49) Ah nice**

**(8:49) They still in the bath?**

_ (8:49) Nah watching TV now _

**(8:50) What are they watching? Is it good?**

_ (8:50) Wild Kratts,  _ _apparently_

**(8:50) Ooh, good taste**

_ (8:50) You’re serious _

**(8:50) I’m always Sirius**

_(8:50) Shut up_

**(8:50) Make me ;)))**

_ (8:50) Omg go away _

_ (8:51) “Bill, you’re lazier than Jimmy” _

_ (8:51) *gasps* “Well Charlie, you’re meaner than Zach” _

**(8:51) Oh my god**

**(8:51) That is the best thing I’ve heard all day**

_ (8:51) I know right _

_ (8:51) But kids are weird _

**(8:51) You want some?**

_ (8:51) Okay no more innuendos _

**(8:51) I promise nothing**

_ (8:51) And no, no kids _

_ (8:51) I’m infertile so _

**(8:51) Ohh**

**(8:51) But do you want them?**

_ (8:52) Not particularly _

**(8:52) Fair fair**

_ (8:52) Okay my mom’s fiiiinally here _

_ (8:52) Will update you when I get home _

**(8:52) Ok**

**(8:52) Wait what happened to the kids?**

_ (8:52) They’re asleep lmao _

**(8:52) Already?**

_ (8:52) Apparently. Maybe I’m just magic _

**(8:52) I don’t doubt it Moony**

*

_ (10:43) So I am back _

**(10:43) Omg**

**(10:43) How far away do you live???**

_ (10:43) Down the fucking street _

**(10:43) Sdslfsdl what**

_ (10:43) MY MOM WOULDN’T STOP TALKING _

**(10:43) Oof that sucks**

_ (10:43) It does _

_ (10:43) And I am now going to bed _

**(10:43) Lol ok**

_ (10:44) Goodnight lmao _

**(10:44) Goodnight**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3


	20. April 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> Titles are caps, underlined and bold

**APRIL 10 PM**

_(11:34) I still don’t think you’ve proved your punk rock ness_

**(11:34) Can’t you just take my word for it?**

_(11:34) No._

**(11:35) What do you want me to do, then?**

**(11:35) Selfie? ;)**

_(11:35) Fuck off_

**(11:35) Are you suuuure? ;))))))**

_(11:35) Fuck off very much_

**(11:35) :(**

_(11:35) :)_

**(11:35) :)**

**(11:35) Why are you still awakeee**

**(11:36) Old men need their sleep**

_(11:36) Lmao I couldn’t sleep and just NEEDED to know more about your nonpunk rock status_

**(11:36) You...were thinking of me? ;))))))))))**

_(11:36) F u c k o f f_

**(11:36) Is that a yes I think that’s a yes**

_(11:36) Aaaaanyway_

_(11:36) So...do you smoke?_

**(11:36) What?**

_(11:36) Smoking. Do you do it?_

_(11:40) Padfoot?_

**(11:40) …**

_(11:40) You do, don’t you_

**(11:40) Not anymore?**

_(11:40) Not anymore being, when did you quit?_

**(11:40) Uh...four minutes ago?**

_(11:41) Oh my god._

**(11:41) At least I did quit?**

_(11:41) I know, it’s just_

_(11:41) I have experience with bad lungs, and well, it’s really not worth it._

**(11:41) Oh god you’re right**

_(11:41) I’m sorry_

_(11:41) You’re fine, just_

_(11:41) Smoking?? Really??_

**(11:41) It was more a case of ‘what will piss off my parents the most’ than ‘what will I regret least in the near future’**

_(11:41) ‘Lung cancer’_

**(11:41) Yes, well**

**(11:41) It did work is all I’m saying**

_(11:41) Your parents were pissed off?_

**(11:41) Extremely.**

_(11:41) And rightfully._

_(11:42) What did you do with the cigarettes?_

**(11:42) …**

_(11:42) Sigh_

_(11:42) What did you do, Padfoot?_

**(11:42) I might have...thrown them out the window?**

_(11:42) Really???_

_(11:42) You’re littering now?_

_(11:42) I’m kidding, mostly, but..._

**(11:42) Well it’s the middle of the night, I wasn’t going to go out into the hall to find a trash can**

_(11:42) Has that really stopped you in the past?_

**(11:43) Well...not when I’m drunk**

_(11:43) Wow_

_(11:43) Anyway, goodnight_

_(11:43) I have been sufficiently tired out by our conversation_

**(11:43) Am I really that boring? Lmao**

_(11:43) :)_

**(11:43) :(**

_(11:43) :)_

**(11:43) :)**


	21. April 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is bold  
> Remus is italics  
> Titles are caps, underlined and bold
> 
> Abbreviations used in this chapter:  
> omg = oh my god  
> ttyl = talk to you later

**APRIL 13 AM**

**(11:35) Moony!**

**(11:35) Moony Moony**

**(11:35) Bo Boony**

**(11:35) Banana Fana**

**(11:35) Fo Foony**

**(11:36) Moony!**

_(11:37) I-_

**(11:37) Beautiful, I know**

_(11:37) What did I just experience_

**(11:37) The name game, Fo Foony!**

_(11:37) I_

_(11:37) All right then_

**(11:37) What, don’t you love it?**

**(11:37) Would you rather I do Remus?**

**(11:37) Remus!**

_(11:37) No, that’s fine_

**(11:38) Remus Remus**

**(11:38) Bo Bemus**

_(11:38) It’s f i n e_

**(11:38) Banana Fana Fo Fenus**

**(11:38) Fee fi fo Remus**

**(11:38) Remuuuus**

_(11:38) I_

_(11:38) Said it was fine_

**(11:38) It obviously wasn’t**

**(11:38) Entertain me**

_(11:39) You could always tell me the story of that Broadway show epilogue you were talking about_

**(11:39) Mm, good idea**

**(11:39) Maybe I will**

**(11:39) But for now**

**(11:39) You entertain ME!**

_(11:39) What, you want me to tell you a story?_

_(11:39) I’m not a good storyteller._

**(11:39) I doubt that, and sure, go ahead.**

_(11:40) True story or fictional?_

**(11:40) How about you tell me one, and I’ll guess**

_(11:40) Fine_

_(11:40) So once upon a time_

_(11:40) There was a little boy_

**(11:40) What was his name?**

_(11:40) Shh_

_(11:40) John. His name was John_

_(11:40) And he had a friend_

_(11:41) Named...Alice_

**(11:41) What, like the Alice you’re friends with?**

_(11:41) No, shut up_

_(11:41) My name isn’t John, is it?_

**(11:41) Well, not as far as I know**

**(11:41) Buuuut**

_(11:41) A n y w a y_

**(11:41) W h a t**

**(11:41) W h a t a b o u t J o h n a n d A l i c e ?**

_(11:41) I t ‘ s c o m i n g i f y o u j u s t s h u t u p_

**(11:42) Point taken**

_(11:42) Great. Now shhhhhhhh_

_(11:43) Wow, you actually did_

**(11:43) Hey!**

_(11:43) Hush child_

_(11:43) John and Alice were at the park one day,_

_(11:43) When John happened to encounter a dog._

_(11:43) It was big, shaggy and black._

_(11:43) Kind of looked like Death, now that John thinks about it._

**(11:43) Oh god okay**

**(11:43) No one’s dying in this story, right?**

_(11:43) No casualties, not today_

_(11:44) John was pretty terrified of the dog, to be honest_

_(11:44) And with good reason, too_

_(11:44) The dog started_

_(11:44) Chasing him!_

**(11:44) Sounds traumatizing**

_(11:44) Oh, it was_

_(11:44) Alice just_

_(11:44) SAT THERE_

_(11:45) AND LAUGHED_

**(11:45) Omg lmao**

**(11:45) Poor you**

_(11:45) Who said this was about me?_

**(11:45) Well…**

**(11:45) I assumed.**

_(11:45) Well, you assumed correctly_

**(11:45) Your real name is John?**

_(11:45) Middle name, yes_

_(11:45) I haven’t been lying to you, shh_

**(11:45) Remus John?**

_(11:45) Ugh, yes. It’s horrifying_

**(11:45) Why? I liiiiike ittttt**

_(11:45) Well_

_(11:46) 1) Fuck off_

_(11:46) 2) My name is Wolfy McWolf._

_(11:46) Werewolf McWerewolf._

_(11:46) My last name, I mean_

**(11:46) That’s...unfortunate**

_(11:46) It is_

**(11:46) Mine’s pretty bad too though**

**(11:46) Sirius Black**

_(11:47) Still think that’s fake_

**(11:47) Hush. It isn’t**

**(11:47) Look up the Blacks**

_(11:47) I will. Later_

**(11:47) Fine**

**(11:47) Update on the dog?**

_(11:47) Has been captured by its owner_

_(11:47) I have been saved._

**(11:47) Oh, thank god**

_(11:47) I know_

**(11:47) It was cute though, right?**

_(11:48) …_

**(11:48) Not cute?**

**(11:48) How dare you, Sir McWerewolf, I’d’ve thought you to be better than that**

_(11:48) Fine, it was a little cute._

**(11:48) Knew it.**

**(11:48) Okay, I gotta go**

_(11:48) Ttyl_

**(11:48) Fare ye well, I bid you goodnight**

_(11:48) It’s not even noon_

**(11:48) I bid you good afternoon, then.**

**(11:49) Same difference.**

_(11:49) It’s really not_

**(11:49) A n y w a y**

_(11:49) B y e_

_(11:49) Go do you fancy boarding school things_

**(11:49) Fine, I will.**

**(11:49) >:(**

_(11:49) >:) _

**(11:49) ;)**

_(11:49) No stop_

**(11:50) ;))))**

_(11:50) G o o d b y e_

**(11:50) Fine. Bye**

**Author's Note:**

> uhm so this work has been abandoned :/
> 
> come say hi on tumblr [@thishearts](https://thishearts.tumblr.com/) <3


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